My dad today had to leave hospital and go to long term care. I had been shuttling my mom who has never learned to drive to the hospital, rehab, nursing home etc for many hours a day for twenty days in a row. She takes advantage of me as my work and financial situation is flexible compared to that of my brothers. Of course she can taken advantage of me as I let her. She is highly anxious, asking the same stupid questions over and over, gets mad when I eventually blow up at her, will not wear her hearing aids, drives the health care workers crazy with incessant rapid machine gun questioning, again, the same questions over and over and most of which are not important at all. After the last hospital stay, we found a memory care which is more just an assisted living one bedroom apartment where my mom could live with my dad for his remaining days. She refuses to as she will not live in a place called memory care even though in this same place there are many couples living in apartments where only one spouse needs the memory care. So instead we have to put my dad in a nursing home sharing a room with someone else (not the worse, I understand many do this) but woudlnt he be happier with his wife with him all the time? (stupid question, maybe he wouldn't. If I were my dad I would not my mom to be around him, we often suspect her nutty behavior over 60 years drove him to his cognitive burnout.) But in his current state, I believe he does appreciate a familiar face. I had hoped for home care so my poor dad could be home, but that is expensive, but that aside, my mom gets all pissy saying she does not want strangers in her home. I would even be willing to pay for it for my dad's sake, even though they would have enough money to do it. I have been with her many hours a day for twenty days and simply cannot take it anymore. If it weren't for my dad, I would tell her where to get off but I fell I now need to take my mom to my dad at nursing home for his sake. The health care workers have always remarked that for a dementia patient, my dad is so remarkably low key, easy to be with, not ornery generally, etc. His mind just doesn't work which leads to swallowing problems and aspiration/pneumonia, etc. I don't know what to do. As said, I would just simply "divorce" my mom if that didn't end up hurting my dad. I am thinking of taking my dad in my own home or moving in with him in the memory care one bedroom apartment so he can spend his remaining days with a familiar face. My mom will not take anxiety meds as prescribed by her MD. Her own MD told her my mom wears the MD out after a ten minute consult. I have to be with my mom hours a day days on end. Anyway, I could rant forever, surprised if anyone is still reading but it has been helpful just to type this stuff out.