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After 55 years of marriage he lost my MOm 10 years ago. Never looked at another woman till a year ago he was introduced to an older woman "just for lunch companion". Within 4 lunch dates they were engaged. She broke it off abruptly but since then he has made some very inappropriate comments to women (waitresses, etc). Not like him at all...I think he's losing his "filter", otherwise mentally fit. What do I do?

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Maybe he's not as "mentally fit" as you think. Take him to his doctor, and if you are embarrassed, talk to the doctor alone addressing your concerns. I don't want to expose what my husband started doing, but I asked his doctor about it when he was out of the room. He said, "it's a guy thing", but if the comments are being said to total strangers, talk to your dad in private and tell him his comments are inappropriate and could offend some ladies. My husband just turned 88 yrs. and the thing he is doing, I just pretend I don't see it since he only does it at home. But then again, he has dementia. Just pretend his comments were said by a total stranger - how would you feel about them?
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I definitely agree with the loss of "filters"....seems some elderly people give themselves permission to speak their minds no matter what!
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Not only have I heard this behavior is common in a lot of old men but I've had some experience with it. Years ago I had a side job cleaning house for a man in his 80's. I noticed him looking at me inappropiately but shrugged it off. One day he made an advance & when I politely told him that would not do, he grabbed a knife & threatened me. Needless to say, I was out of there, never to return. Now, my uncle is getting that way (85 years old) and I can't turn my back on him for one second. He & my aunt are often fixated on sex and get iff talking sexual in my presence. And I had a landlord in his 80's. Same crap.
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Thanks for all the input/support. I'm just really am worried that a guy that has been dearly loved and respected by all in the past will leave a bad lasting impression...
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It could be the loss of "filters" due to brain changes. I understand your concern about him offending women who work for him. Can you have a word with them to see if he has acted inappropriately with them, or to give them a "heads up".

Do you have any idea why the woman he was engaged to broke it off so quickly?

Again, I think it would be worth mentioning it to his doctor and watching to see f any other aberrations show up. Yes, sex is good at any age, but inappropriate behaviour isn't. I guess I am saying that I am supportive of your concern.
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Yes I meant sexual in nature..not asexual.
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I noticed as my dad aged, he'd say things out loud that were unacceptable. He'd comment on how overweight a waitress was or something similar. I'd give him the stink eye and tell him to stop it. He was hard-of-hearing, so maybe he thought he was speaking in a whisper tone, while he was speaking in a normal voice. It was very annoying and embarrassing at times.

If I called him on it later, he'd just shrug it off. Mentally he was all there (died at 92), but I think his brain might have done a bit of changing. I think the filters come off with some people as they age. But have you talked to you dad about his comments and what does he say if you have? If not, tell him how inappropriate his comments are.
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Since this is a real change in behaviour, I would be concerned about brain changes too. If he had done it al his life, that would be different.

ff - I can't agree it is the nature of all men to make comments that would embarrass their daughter. I worked for any years, and there were a only a few men in the workplace whose behaviour was offensive. In general, they were not. You, yourself state you were very uncomfortable with the older man who called you good looking and that is pretty mild. I believe that holysmokes is talking about things more offensive than that.

Anything that makes another person uncomfortable can be considered harassment - " any unwanted physical or verbal behaviour that offends or humiliates you."

holysmokes - are these young women indicating that your dad's behaviour is making them uncomfortable? You wrote about his comments, "But he says the things to the woman, not a chauvinist but asexual in nature. ..i can't imagine this was ever acceptable"

Did you mean sexual not asexual?

I think it is worth mentioning to his doctor.
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holysmokes, I believe it's just the nature of most men, doesn't matter if women are being whistled at walking past a construction site, or if a Corporate Manager is commenting on how nice that sweater or haircut looks on a co-worker.

Last month while attending a funeral service, one of my boss's buddies [guess he's in his late 70's] came up behind me, put his hands on my shoulder's and said "hey, good looking".... he was an economist, speaks half dozen languages, world traveler. I wanted to be invisible at that moment.

My boss [79] is a recent widower... oh my gosh, the older single/widow women are coming out of woodwork. If one is in the office visiting, I can overhear her *flirting*, too, and sometimes there are those play on words.
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I'd mention it to his doctor. It's likely that his brain is undergoing some changes, and it's worth discussing w/the doctor. If your dad seems "all there" otherwise, can you say something to him? How would he handle being reprimanded in public if he were to behave that way? I guess I'm asking if he can learn again what's acceptable and what's not, and if he cares that he's being offensive. Sometimes people don't care, or it's a way to be aggressive/hostile and get away with it.
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But he says the things to the woman, not a chauvinist but asexual in nature. ..i can't imagine this was ever acceptable. He was a white collar guy brought up better than that.
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holysmokes, my Dad will make off comments about women which makes me cringe... my Mom does, too.... women shouldn't be doctors, or sport announcers, or run for political office [not even Mayor]. But my parents are in their mid-90's and that was part of their growing up, and how society acted. I'm surprised Mom even votes, shouldn't that be banned for women, too :P I can't change them at this point.
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Not underestimating him at all...but he is making outlandish remarks to women half his age. I find it disrespectful to them...then he asks them for their phone number!!! I just fear now he is saying that to women that clean his home, etc...soon no one will want anything to do with him.
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Don't underestimate his sexual ability. Let him go to a seniors place where he can meet widows his own age in case you don't. Know sex is still fun in your eighties
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Have you tried talking to him about this? What does he have to say?
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Sounds like your Dad has his self-confidence back in regard to attracting women. So he is now flirting with them but not realizing what he use to say when he was a young lad is now considered inappropriate in today's world. Don't worry, the women will set him straight ;)
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