My Dad is angry at me, and accuses me of lies and stealing. What do I do?

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I have not been in their home for 3 months. His neighbor asks me to stay away. As of Dec 9,2014, my Dad has called relatives, friends,and neighbors. Accusing me of stealing, lies and not taking him to doctors visits. It started with a Home Health care aide, who was hitting him up for money. When I confronted her,she denied it. I knew she would, the next day my Dad was angry and screaming at me over the phone. She called her employer to complain about me saying, I harassed her. Since she called first, they told me to leave her alone or else she could call the police on me. This situation got worse as I called the Senior Abuse Hotline and complained about her placing a wedge between my Dad & I. They said, they would investigate the situation, sending out her employer to investigate. My Dad sided against me. He has lied to everyone except my oldest brother who lives out of state. Dad has always been Narcissistic, and unloving unless he wants something from you.My Mom has fallen many times at their home. Recently,he hooked her up to his electric wheel chair and tied it to her walker, when he moved forward the walker collapsed and she fell hard. After calling for ambulances two days in a row. They social workers at the hosp called me and I explained what he told me about her fall. They decided to put her in a Health Care Rehab Center for her own safety. She is doing better, and is safe and I can now come and see her everyday since my Dad had forbidden me to come to their home 3 months ago. I went to their home on Jan.31st, when my Mom called to say, my Dad was dead. My new husband & I did not know how true that was, so we called 911 to have them meet us there. When we got there my Mom was upset and still confused. I told her it was not her fault. My Dad was laughing. My older brother told me that he had called and told my Dad to call us back as we were driving to their home. My Dad said, no let them come anyway, knowing that we thought he had died...now that was wrong of him to have us come when nothing was wrong.It was a 30 mile trip one way. Lately, his doctor told me that he has Alzheimer s disease. For me to seek an attorney to get Power of Attorney over both parents. He has gotten his neighbors involved in thinking that I have caused him to have a heart attack. The neighbors will not let me come to the home. They have told me that they will get an attorney to keep me from harassing him. I have never harassed my Dad.I love my Dad & Mom so much that I gave up my personal life in Calif. to move out here to take care of them, I left a great job, my home, and my two daughters and friends and a great Church I came here. to help my parents 7 yrs ago after my husband died.Since then I have encountered a number of lies including telling me that they left a will and it is all taken care of at an attorneys office in the square in town. I went to that attorney today to find out how to get Power of Attorney, and by the way is there a conflict when my Dad made his will out at the same attorneys office? To my amazement, they never filled or filed a Legal Will ! So now the neighbors could come and get Power of Attorney and take everything under my brothers and my nose! What do you think I should do?

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You are so right, I really don't want to be around my Dad anymore than I have. I called him tonight and he was nice for 6 minutes and then he got angry over nothing and hung up on me. I never said, anything derogatory about his lies or accusations and was so pleasant asking him how his day was and his doctor appointments. He went to see my Mom today, and mentioned her not coming home from rehab. He did say, it costs him over $5,000 a month to keep her there. She only mentions coming home with me, and seeing her little Pomeranian dog. He thinks he has everyone snowed by his ability to pay his bills when they come in the mail. He still spends money like water. But he has always had a spending problem. I will say away longer, and wait. He really does believe his lies. It is sad, it hurts me to hear what others have to say about me. Some family members actually believe him. He has a way to persuade people. My Mom has lived with his narcissism for over 63 years. She is depressed, and told him today that she did not want to live anymore. I don't know to believe him, I see that she is enjoying being around people and doing physical therapy and playing bingo.
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Dazedconfused2, this doesn't sound like Alzheimer's ... it sounds like the narcissism you say he has always had, perhaps made even more unreasonable with the dementia. Why do you want to be involved in his life?

What about your mother? Where will she go when she is released from rehab?
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What kind of Alzheimer's disease makes one hateful towards the caregiver? is their a name for this type of behavior?
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My parents have a large home on 2 acres , he has a newer car that the neighbor is now driving. We were told by my Dad, that there was a Will made. I found out from the attorney in town that they never had one made out.Apparently he has lied about many things. I would not doubt that he will give everything away just to spite my brothers and I. At this point he has gone through all of his cash even the money for their burial. My Mom is in a rehab hospital about 40 miles away. I have remarried and live within 30 miles of them. I don't plan on moving. I do believe they need someone to make decisions.
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I'm not sure how having POA would allow your parents' neighbors to "take everything." Not legally, anyway.

Does "everything" amount to a great deal of money? Are your parents rich? With dementia and your mother's health problems unless they are exceptionally wealthy their assets will be used up on their care long before they die.

What I think you should do is go back to California, resume your old job or a similar one, be close to your kids and their kids (if any) and get back in touch with your church.

You came thinking you could improve your parents' lives. Looks like that isn't working out.

Perhaps you can do something to improve your mother's situation. Where is she now?
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