Follow
Share

first let me say he does NOT need one, i came here to help him as he ages. i gave up my section8 apt to move into a filthy house in disrepair that i had to get my dope fiend brother , who was abusing dad, out of here. ok. ive cleaned this house, you can breath. because bro had taken out credit cards in dads name without his knowing, first thing i did was put all accounts online. i check in on them now and again, make sure dads doing ok. well lately hes been bouncing checks. when he does this in the past, i always know because i get called the mooch. when hes REALLY off in his checkbook, he crys poormouth and tells all who will listen im putting him in the poor house. i have solved every problem he has thrown at me. and that pisses him off. to the point he sabatoges me. well right now we have relatives from back east here. they got here yesterday. all was cool.until he 'took them to see the model airplanes' yeah, i know what that means, he will be gone for hours then return with guests shunning me.well, the male of the two went for a ride with me to the beach.( a last stich effort on my part to 'not be so unsocial' when im clearly being shunned, i said i was going to beach, anyone want to come with? he said yes.i was shocked ) so hes fidgeting, so i finally said about the reverse mortgage. and he was about to tell me how its dads money to spend as he wants, well, then why the hell am i here? hes not handling his money properly, i dont want any part of it, and nobody will hear me when i am trying to protect him from a stupid move!!
im just going to do this, wanted to run it by this board first ( you guys are usually correct) im going to go to court and ask a judge to appoint a guardian at leightem to handle his money. good idea or bad? i am the only one thats NOT after his money! if i werent here, he would have someone else stay here, and i promise they wont be able to clean this house with pride like i have been, even tho my sis doent have to work for her half, im not greedy. im the adopted kid and i have zero sense of entitlement, but we had an agreement. i didnt give up my life and past few years to walk away with nothing! i dont work for free.i didnt bust my ass here being berrated and treated like scum to walk away with nothing, but i have have it up to here more than a few times. i have packed my car and left. and he calls, where you go? i need you here, i cant take care of this place by myself im an old man... so wicth is it, are you just and old man or are you superman? im sooo done. then we get back from the beach and his wife is picking a fight with me in my own house! i said you dont have to rude, she said yes i do! im an excon. to me thems fighting words.. i walked away, when she was in shower, i tried to tell dad, she needs to tone down her attitude. he tells me im instagating, and i have a short fuse! seriously?! ok... im done. im 'putting him the poorhouse' but he takes everyone to dinner.well, not me of course. right after 2nd round of her smart ass mouth , then they say or are you coming to dinner? yeah because that sounds so fun...
my job was to help him so he could stay in his own home. all 2200 sq ft. he owns this house. hes on ssi, 9 credit cards, 5 with zero owed. 8000 total for all 9 cards.. hes got a shop with $50,000 worth of tools.hes got firearms worth an easy $45 grand. every problem he has tossed my way i have solved. but he cant balance his check book, he thinks he has an upper middle class paycheck when hes on ssi. he gives 20-30 to church,the eagles, the vets, the rams, etc.. you cant give to charity when your on ssi. hes mad he cant cut spending on my behalf because he doesnt spend any on me.he wont see a debt counsler, hes not in dire need. no cards are deliquint, he owns his truck i own my car, he wont let anybody look at his books. because he would have to admit its him thats not handling things, but hes blaming on me and dumb ass people are fixing to lynch me! i DO have copies of his credit report, his credit cards, all of them, he doesnt need a reverse morgage! relatives are trying to get me cut out of the will like he cut bro out, but im the ONLY one thats here ,cleaning putting up with him, and i dont know what to do. i cant walk away and leave him helpless, but im about to anyway. but i want my half of this house. im the only one thats worked here, i brought it back up to code by myself, he wont even sign a paper that would allow me caregiver money. why? hes a jerk.but until i find a new sucker, im stuck. but court... good idea or bad? thanks

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
The risky part of petitioning for guardianship is that the court may decide that you are not the best choice as guardian. Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants in addition to everything else?
I know this situation is emotionally fueled but if you want it to work then you have to be the "grown up".
Sit him down for a little heart to heart. Do this when things are going good between the two of you. Tell him that you will commit to him if he will commit to you. Put a care agreement in writing as to what services you will perform and what your remuneration will be.
Who has Power of Attorney and Health Care Surrogacy? Ask him to have these documents drawn up with you as attorney-in-fact or joint with another relative who will cooperate with you.
You will ultimately have to decide if you can handle it or not.
But if you go to court, be prepared to have to walk away.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you wanted/expected to be paid for the two years you gave up to solve his problems and care for him (and I don't blame you -- you should have been paid), you should have had a personal care agreement drawn up and been paid all along. Expecting to get it in a will is very risky, since the will can be changed at any time, and also few people with chronic conditions like dementia actually have anything left to leave to anyone, whether they take out a reverse mortgage or not.

Please consider immediately getting on the list for another Section8 apartment -- most places have a waiting list. Also look into other options for places to live while you wait for your name to make its way to the top.

I don't know about the court thing ... others who have experience with that will probably post and give you some insight into that.

I don't think you should simply leave your father helpless. I suggest calling Adult Protective Services and explain (briefly and without emotional drama) that you are the daughter who has taken care of him for two years, but that you are leaving. You wish that you could arrange help for him, but he is not cooperating.

And then leave. Try not to leave in anger and with bad feelings all around. He is your father, and if you can preserve any relationship it is worth the effort. Explain that you came to help, you helped, and now it is time to for you to get on with your own life. Be polite, be kind, but be firm. You are leaving. Then leave. Stay gone, regardless of any phone calls you get. This arrangement is not working out for you. End it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sebring I don't have great answers for you, I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you're having to go through this with your dad. You've done a lot of good in his life and it's just too bad he can't appreciate it. I think that other people take the easy way out. They don't want to look at the books because that would require work. They just want to listen to a good story that your dad spins and believe it because that's easy. Good luck with figuring out what you can do to ensure the health and happiness of yourself and your dad.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

i would much rather him not play drama queen ( thats not going to change) i just dont understand why, if a senior says that someone is ripping them off, why doesnt anybody go check?! they sit and demonize me but not one person will look at statments from bank/credit cards. now that would be the first thing id do. id go look at their books. but i would check it out.
i didnt get anything in writting because i didnt think i had to. i came here because he was scared and begged me too. i knew not to give up my sec8 but stupid me i trusted him. i cant get it back because my son is now 27 and vouchers go to familys with kids first. yeah i should have. but if i had an inkling THIS was going to happen i never would have moved back here.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

ralph robins, thanks you for your answer, i DONT want to be guardian! ive been blamed for 'putting him in the poorhouse' since i got here, im not touching his money with a ten foot pole. but somebody needs to . just not me.
nobody has power of atty, my sister is executor ( im already gathering things for when i have to take her to court for screwing me out of the house) but dad, even 87 is pretty active, but only because i do everything for him.he volunteers at elks lodge so hes 'mr popular' at the moment, ( a title im not looking to get from him.) so nobody wants to belive that poor mr bill is anything but flawless. so he cant balance his checkbook, he wants to play mr bigshot. but hes no longer upper middle class, therefor must adjust his spending! when the paycheck changes, so must you, thats basic! so he tells everyone i am making him broke. but im not. i have my own check i get,not much, but he doesnt buy my food or anything else.his check can easily cover the bills if he would simply stop overspending. again, i do NOT want to handle his money in any way shape or form, but i want somebody that knows what they are doing to handle it because he cant.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

your right. ill have to walk away. but where can i go? im an excon, cant get a job. cant get sec8 it goes to folks with kids. relative is a bitch. im screwed. arent i
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

if he would just stick to the plan , i keep him living here and not an old folks home, he makes sure im not homeless for giving up my sec8. if he just cuts back on GIVINg away money to charities, it would be great, when he dies, i sell house, give sister half and im out. but without my half of this house, im screwed.. im sorry if this sounds selfish, but ive kept up my part of the deal, hes in best health hes been in years, but i should be recieving hazmat pay for having to keep mold in attic at bay
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.