My parents and my family went in on a house together but Dad is a smoker. Advice?

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He smokes in the garage but it's still getting in the house. They moved in first and the house smelled like smoke before we even moved in. When I addressed he went off the hook and didn't speak to me for days, told my mom they were moving (didn't say that to me). He was originally smoking inside and "blowing it out the patio door", but did compromise with the garage. However it's still getting inside. I sent him an email about my concerns with this, that I know he was trying hard and I wasn't going to ask him to change anything, but these were the health risks (hoping the info would encourage him to take it outside). My 4 year old had been recovering from a respiratory illness as well. Well that blew up in my face this am. He was up very early (I'm sure up half the night because he ruminates over things and can't sleep, has severe anxiety, but does nothing about it except smoke). In front of my children stated they will be moving out in the spring, and my daughter's issues were due to the "cheap furnace filters" my husband buys. That he has had enough and they are "outta here". I went over to his side and yelled at him for making my kids cry and then had to go to work.


My mom has had multiple strokes which prompted this venture. My dad had made statements about quitting, trying e cigs, or smoking outside once we moved. They contributed financially to this home, and were going to help with the bills. If they did move, we will be unable to afford it by ourselves. I acknowledged that in my email and how much I appreciated their help thus far, with the kids and getting the house set up. Currently, we share a kitchen, and they have a 1000 sq ft. in-law side. there is a hallway with two pocket doors separating the sides. The garage door in located in that hall. We live in ny, so it's fall and will soon get bitterly cold, which is most likely why he has an aversion to taking it outside.What's worse in before our fight, my dad was talking about having a room built in the basement, with a heavy outside door, and I think the intention is he thinks he can smoke and not bother anyone, but of course he cannot contain the smoke totally with any door.I don't know what to do, every time I address this issue, and I feel gently, he reacts with severe anger. He probably will not speak to me or be willing to today at least. I am just looking out for my kids and have stated as much time and time again. He often claims his smoking isn't getting in anywhere, like we think we smell it and really don't (he has implied this in the past). It's like he's in some sort of denial and we are picking on him, and telling him what he can or cannot do in his house. I don't really care what he does unless it jeopardizes the health and safety of out children. If anyone has faced this issue or has any advice, please share.

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You can't really deal with an irrational person rationally. He probably knows about the health risks and is defensive and angry due to the guilt he feels about it. He is not going to change in my opinion, so you have to if you want to live together. Maybe an air purifier on both sides of the door, or fans blowing air towards the garage. You might find some suggestions on line if you haven't tried that yet. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you soon.
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I have to say both hubs and I smoke, but only in one area and we always had a window or door open, and we don;t smoke alot. Then the folks moved in. I bought a huge air purifier ( it now looks at me like WTF) and we can't have anything open as mom is always freezing. I was so happy when mom went to the Aunts for a week. We aired out the house and frebreezed the crap out of this place. Home one week and the stink is back... So if it really bothers you and you can't figure out a way to get a tolerable smoking area... you may have to separate the households. However, as you have mentioned not being able to afford the home without thier help... Could you insulate an area in the garage or basement and try an air purifier? maybe it will work better in a smaller space... our house is very open. A friend of mine put some chairs and a table in part of her garage for herself and her mother, with a heater, and it seemed to work for them.
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You need to get the jouse on the market asap. This was, sorry to say, a poorly planned venture.
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Time to move to separate homes as trying to have someone quit smoking who refuses to quit is a very hard uphill battle and all it does is cause more stress to everyone. Your Dad is never going to quit smoking because of all the excuses he is coming up with.

Depending on your Dad's age, he could be from an era where smoking was considered "healthy", with ads saying 4 out of 5 doctors recommend Camels cigarettes... it was believed that smoking reduces stress not realizing until decades later how truly harmful it can be for the smoker and those around him/her. Thus your Dad could still believe cigarettes don't cause any harm.

Smokers don't realize how second hand smoke can go through duct work, and how the smoke can transfer from their clothes and hair onto furniture in the house, to the closet, and to their car. Same happens with e-cigarettes, which it is said the vapor could even more harmful with tobacco smoke.
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