Just read your comment, is Dad still driving? If so time for him to "lose" his keys and wallet. Car needs to be out of sight. A nice little fib, took it in for a tune up.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is stressful but now its Dads safety and maybe others. The roles are changing. You are now the adult he is the child. He has lost his reasoning and processing. You can no longer "get thru to him". As another member has said, his mind is broken. Actually, its dying.
Yes he still drives has a 2nd car in garage has several sets of keys for both locked in safe which I or sister dont no combination I told him one day we will have to stop his driving he said if we disable it he will fix it if u take it he will buy another he has money refuses to wear glasses,or a hearing aid or a cane . He dont listen to anyone never had not even mom u dont or cant tell him anything. Very prideful stubborn overbearing dominate personality border line violent. Looks down on women they dont no anything has called the police for stupid stuff said he wants to die in house an he ain't going nowhere period dont want anyone coming into house cause hes paranoid ,thinks the mafia is watching him an the neighbor up the street who works for ATT is messing with his phone. I could go on an on !
Do you or anyone have POA. If you do, time to use it. This man should not be alone. It is now not what he wants but what he needs. Hiring caregivers may solve the problem but then its can you trust the caregivers. Meaning, will they show up. Me, I would prefer a nice AL or NH. There Dad would be safe, fed and clean.
We were finally able to convince my dad to bring someone in for 2 days a week for 4 hours. That has been stepped up to 4 days a week and he's considering 5. He has actually found that he likes the company, one of his caregivers in particular. We use a care management service and if someone is unable to make it, they send someone else. The caregivers do light housekeeping, keep an eye on him, get him out of the house and prepare light meals. I'm still taking him grocery shopping and if I can ever get him to consent to a couple 8 hour days, I will give up my duties at the grocery store on Saturday and let them do that too. He knows having this care is the only way we will continue to let him stay in his house. It's still less expensive than AL and when we get to that break-even point, we will discuss moving.
Well the other day he called 911 cause he couldn't get his cell phone or land line to work. Police came called me on his cell, he thought he lost his handicap placard but it was in the car but he thought it was my moms who is in a nursing home expired over 2yrs. He is paranoid the neighbors r out to get him and messing with him by killing his bushes an grass. All he wants to do is argue and not listen to me or my sister.
You do have a difficult situation. Would he listen to someone else? When my Dad won't listen to me, I talk with one of his health care providers. Since they're not emotionally involved, they can be very honest, yet compassionate and I've seen them work wonders with my Dad.
Would he allow someone to come in and help? You could say she's going to help with chores or something.
Is he paying his bills? Is he mobile? Is he able to prepare his meals? Is he able to do laundry? Is he taking medication? As dementia progresses, these everyday chores will become more difficult, and eventually he will become a danger to himself. This is the time to plan out his care. Does he have a will? Does someone have POA and Medical POA?
Someone needs to see to his needs and if possible, these duties should be shared. ie. , One person checks in on him daily for a week/month and then you trade off to another. If he isn't mobile, then you need to consider in-home care. There are agencies in every town and if he's a Veteran, the VA can be of great help. Bottom line - (and I assume from your question, there are siblings) you need to plan for his care before he gets any worse.
I was blessed to have the VA help me with my Dad. He, too, wanted to stay in his home and they provided for so much of his care as well as guiding me through the stress, questions and changes we were both going through. Ask questions, be patient and you'll be amazed at the compassion and information out there. I know I was! God bless.
You my have to make that decision for him regardless of what he wants. I know how hare it is to do. My husband and had to make that decision for his mother who could no longer live alone. We both work, are the only children, and having in-home care was just feasible for us.
I don't know you particular circumstances but here is what we were dealing with. She was leaving her doors open sometimes at night before she went to bed; we couldn't be sure she was taking her meds (she would never give a straight answer); she would repeatedly call from her car to tell us she couldn't remember how to use the windshield wipers; she would only eat candy (even though we prepared her meals); these are just a few of the behavioral issues going on. Two things happened that were for us "the final straw". She gave her social security number to a scammer that called her. When we asked her why she did that, she replied "because he asked me"! We found her across the road one hot summer day in a vacant field, pulling weeds. No hat or water with her. She was truly amazed that we were upset as she thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
That is when we made the decision to look for an Assisted Living. We did not tell her until after we found what we thought would be the perfect setting for her. My husband sat her down and told her she couldn't live alone any more and why. We brought her to the facility to look around and meet the staff; she agreed to give it a try. Fast forward two years - she is doing fantastic with the care and attention she receives. She has her group of friends and participates in many activities. She is eating balanced meals and she is once again her old cheerful self (albeit with dimentia!). Had the choice been left to her she would have never agreed to leave her home.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is stressful but now its Dads safety and maybe others. The roles are changing. You are now the adult he is the child. He has lost his reasoning and processing. You can no longer "get thru to him". As another member has said, his mind is broken. Actually, its dying.
Good Luck
Would he allow someone to come in and help? You could say she's going to help with chores or something.
Is he mobile?
Is he able to prepare his meals?
Is he able to do laundry?
Is he taking medication?
As dementia progresses, these everyday chores will become more difficult, and eventually he will become a danger to himself. This is the time to plan out his care. Does he have a will? Does someone have POA and Medical POA?
Someone needs to see to his needs and if possible, these duties should be shared. ie. , One person checks in on him daily for a week/month and then you trade off to another. If he isn't mobile, then you need to consider in-home care. There are agencies in every town and if he's a Veteran, the VA can be of great help. Bottom line - (and I assume from your question, there are siblings) you need to plan for his care before he gets any worse.
I was blessed to have the VA help me with my Dad. He, too, wanted to stay in his home and they provided for so much of his care as well as guiding me through the stress, questions and changes we were both going through. Ask questions, be patient and you'll be amazed at the compassion and information out there. I know I was! God bless.
I don't know you particular circumstances but here is what we were dealing with. She was leaving her doors open sometimes at night before she went to bed; we couldn't be sure she was taking her meds (she would never give a straight answer); she would repeatedly call from her car to tell us she couldn't remember how to use the windshield wipers; she would only eat candy (even though we prepared her meals); these are just a few of the behavioral issues going on. Two things happened that were for us "the final straw". She gave her social security number to a scammer that called her. When we asked her why she did that, she replied "because he asked me"! We found her across the road one hot summer day in a vacant field, pulling weeds. No hat or water with her. She was truly amazed that we were upset as she thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.
That is when we made the decision to look for an Assisted Living. We did not tell her until after we found what we thought would be the perfect setting for her. My husband sat her down and told her she couldn't live alone any more and why. We brought her to the facility to look around and meet the staff; she agreed to give it a try. Fast forward two years - she is doing fantastic with the care and attention she receives. She has her group of friends and participates in many activities. She is eating balanced meals and she is once again her old cheerful self (albeit with dimentia!). Had the choice been left to her she would have never agreed to leave her home.