I cut back work 20 hrs/wk to care for Dad (92). He can be alone but gets lonely. Any advice?


I miss working more but he doesn't want Anyone else in to keep him company. He uses a walker. What to do?

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Thank you, thank you, all of you! Your various thoughts were so helpful. I am going to increase my hours snd live my life and drop the guilt. I have a friend who can drop in and check on him daily. Or take him out for a walk if he so desires. ❤️
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Why do you think he is lonely? Maybe, he's content resting and reflecting. I often read that a senior who is in their 90's, aren't interested in going out or socializing.

Is he depressed? Maybe some medication could help with that and help his mood, but if not, I would allow him to do what he wants to do. I wonder if our idea of what a 90 year old person should be doing is realistic. Maybe a visit to church once a week is all they care for. Why not discuss it with your dad and see how he really feels about it. Is he really lonely or content to watch movies, read books, listen to music, etc. At any rate, staying home from work, if he is not in need of the care seems odd to me.
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Icafe51, I remember back a couple years ago when my Dad wanted me to quit my job so that I could spend more time with him and Mom [they are also in their 90's]. I asked my Dad "Did you quit your job to take care of your parents?"...... I already knew the answer, it was no. He never asked me again.

Not knowing your gender, I believe the much older generation thinks that women should be home doing all the caregiving and not be working outside of the home. The last time my Mom was employed was in 1946, so my Dad doesn't have anything to base what is going on in my world.
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lcafe, I know how mercenary this sounds, but unless your father can afford to compensate you for your lost earnings…

It's great that you're supportive of your father, but he can make choices too. For example, he can choose to get into the spirit of making new friends, or he can be lonesome for part of the week. The third option, that you sacrifice your income to help fill the void, isn't one he can make for you - unless you choose it yourself.

Giving up work for caregiving is a mug's game. I should know.
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Can you support yourself on a half-time job? Will you be able to retire without paying into a retirement fund while working full-time? Can you do this another 5 to 10 years?

He doesn't want anyone else to keep him company. Sorry to be so blunt, but, "tough." Why does what he wants (your company) have higher priority than what you want (to work full time)?

I assume you love him and want to spend some time with him. Good. Do that.

Look into adult day health programs in your area.

Check out the senior center.

If he was ever active in a church, check what is available from that organization.

Help him out of his loneliness, without personally filling every void. He has had his life. You deserve yours, too.
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My advice is not to give up your job. Help him deal with his loneliness in another way. Could he go to the senior center to visit with the people and have a meal? Could he do a jigsaw puzzle, crossword puzzle, or something to break the loneliness? But don't quit your job!
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