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Care for a 98 yr old WW2 vet with dementia. Reasoning and logic are great. Short term memory, confusion at times, and repetitiveness are challenges. Vet has 1 living daughter 14 hours away. I have cared for and taken care of all finances for past 5 years. I only have verbal permission for use of his account for his bills and anything pertaining to him. He pays utilities at my home in lieu of care, given I had to quit my job to care for him. I keep records, receipts, and ledgers but thinking I need to look into other options to safeguard myself, just in case. Anyone else dealt with similar arrangements??

There is a lack of communication here. You don't clearly say if the daughter is aware that her Dad is paying some bills for you in lieu of care. Also, you never questioned why you were send a copy of the deed. A verbal agreement will mean nothing down the line. What "utilities" are actually included?
How is your relationship with her? Give her a call and let her know you need a written letter acknowledging exactly what her Dad has been paying for and will continue to pay.
If you don't want to call her, then see a lawyer and explain the verbal agreement and your back-up receipts and see if this is sufficient should you be challenged down the line. Your lawyer may give you simple options that will solve this dilemma.
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His daughter gave verbal agreement in which I told her I wanted something from lawyer or she could handle all the finances from afar. I did get something from lawyer, but when I checked into it at the courthouse, it happens to be the deed to his house(unsure if daughter is aware of that or not). Daughters name is on account and has access to anything and what she dont I will gladly provide, but given she is durable POA its as good as hers too(id think). I am listed as MPOA as well as daughter who is 14 hours away. I have fought for aid and attendance for the past 4 years and am awaiting a decision on his claim now. He signed DPOA without knowing what he signed thinking he was signing paperwork giving living daughter permission to carry out funeral services for daughter that had just passed. Yes, I make all transactions from his bills, to my utilities, and his necessities as well as transfers to the daughter as she acquires 1200 a month from him. Trying to avoid a fight between the 2 of them, he dosent want to be anywhere but here, and I want to ensure Im covered. Ive gave up the past 5 years of my life and missed all but 2 sport/school activities of my son and sure dont want issues when the time comes. Praying he gets aid and attendance. That would be a prayer answered for sure. He may not be our blood but he is family to my son and I.
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JoAnn29 Aug 31, 2021
Just curious so you don't have to answer. Why is daughter entitled to 1200 a month if you are paying his bills from his acct. Because she is POA? If so, that has to be written in the POA and 1200 is a lot for a person who doesn't do the work.
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You need a POA and an agreement that he is paying your bills in lieu of wages. Daughter may not be involved with his care but I am sure she is going to question where the money went when he passes. This should have been done five years ago.
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He may qualify for veterans aid and attendence. Has anyone looked into it?
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I have the same questions as Grandma1954. Does the daughter know about the verbal agreement? If not, and she finds out and is unhappy about it, it is possible she could make a legal issue out of it, if this is what you're worried about. In which case I'd keep a very clear paper trail of where his money is going. Him paying your utilities in your home with no written agreement from him and he's not really the one making the transaction (online I'm assuming)... this is what I see as the issue.

Since you say his "Reasoning and logic are great. Short term memory, confusion at times..." he may still be able to sign a DPoA at an elder law attorney. The attorney will interview him privately to assess his ability to understand what he would be assigning you (or his daughter). If he "passes" the assessment the attorney will create the document for him. You will then need to call his bank to see what they require because banks have their own PoA protocol (they mostly never accept a PoA that was not created by them). Some banks require the person (your vet) to be brought in person to give you access to his accounts. Not sure how old the daughter is or if she's willing and able to be his PoA but if she finds out after the fact of his creating a PoA, there would be trouble. Best if she's looped into this decision, with the vet's blessing.
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If I were you I would contact an Elder Care Attorney.
Is he getting any payments from the VA? His social security. Who is representative payee ?
Who gave you permission to use his account? With dementia he can not give permission, unless POA was done prior to dementia diagnosis.
it is a good thing you have kept records.
I hope someone else is more helpful with their response.
I am sure you have had nothing but good intentions but you need to be careful
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