My father had a stroke at the beginning of the year and was severely affected. My boyfriend and I, both mid twenties had moved in temporarily to help, and it is obvious to both of us, as well as all of the doctors he has seen, that he needs full time, 24/7 supervision, which we cannot provide as we both work full time.
We recently bought a house and moved out, but still are going to have to go over and provide him dinners probably every night of the week....forever. He has an aide in the afternoons, but even then he is a clear and present danger to himself. He has to go up and down stairs to let a dog out, refuses to accept the danger in doing so, drops cigarettes and cannot find them, is legally blind, etc. However any talk of more care gets you screamed at about trying to lock him up, how we can just go, etc.
During his last hospital visit it was brought to my attention by a nurse, so I dont know how accurate it is, that because I am his power of attorny I could be legally responsible if he becomes hurt....even though the hospital has deemed him mentally competant to make decisions and basically said I have no options to give him help he doesnt want. Is this true?
I'm thinking I will have to call his caseworker from the state behind his back to really express my concern but I'm scared of what might happen then. If they don't decide to move him somewhere, he'll be angry and probably outright refuse any more help from me. If they do take away his rights and move him to a facility, he'll never forgive me. I'm scared there might be a chance he'd lose his afternoon aide as well, as I know the company she works with will not help individuals who need multiple caregivers.
I guess I'm just overwhelmed. Part of me wants to be cold and let him make his own bed and help within much needed boundaries, but at the same time I don't want to leave my father to fall down the stairs or set himself on fire or some other horrible thing. Literally there is no talking sense, I've tried countless times.
Any advice is appreciated.