Sometimes l can barely hold back the tears. Every time l go visit my dad as well as his recent declines. He is very old and in late stage 7A. ls it normal?
Yes, it is very normal! It shows you are able to care about another person and what happens to them. It is heart-wrenching to witness the decline of loved ones. It hurt to watch my stoic Mom become diminished and struggle with her health, memory, vision and unable to do anything that made her feel useful. Being able to love and feel are part of what it means to be a human being. We mourn their losses and ours, too. Some people hold emotions in, others are able to more freely express them. If you feel like crying, go have a good one. Trying to hold it all in can make it harder. It may help to journal. Look for support groups if you feel it would be helpful and you haven't already explored that. Finding a therapist to talk things through with can be of great benefit as well. Know that you have many people here who understand and keep us posted. Being grateful for what we do have can be helpful. It sounds like you can put the love you and your Father have and the long time you have had each other on that list of things for which you can give thanks. ((((((((((Hugs))))))))).
Yes its normal. Why wouldn't it be. Dementia made my Mom a frail little old lady. It was hard to watch. The worst for me was when she looked at me and there was nothing there.
How you feel is so normal and what you are going through is so so hard.
Years ago a therapist told me, “ If you don’t cry over this, [ wrenching situation ] then what is there to cry over?” Those words made me feel a bit saner and I pass these wise words on to you.
Sure it is. What kind of person would you be if it were easy to see someone you love descend down this long slow slide facing loss upon loss while you stand witness to it?
We are all different. I don't cry easily but hold things in, and in tough times there will be something--a lost cat, an injured pigeon-- that will free the tears and it's a storm that won't stop. And for you the tears are always there, just waiting to spill. Your tears are a release and a relief if you can see them that way, washing out the hurt and pain. Allow yourself a place to sit and just weep.
I am so very sorry. Where there is love there is always great grief when we must witness pain. I am just relieved that you haven't taken on the mantle of "guilt" as you in no way caused this and you cannot cure it.
Your grief is appropriate, and unavoidable. Be certain not to stay stuck the whole day in it, for it has no power to help you or your loved Dad, and it isn't what he would want for you. My heart goes out to you. When my Dad, who was not suffering, but who was exhausted by life and ready to go for years, finally DID go I felt great relief for his deliverance from suffering. And I was left with beautiful memories. I hope the same for you.
*Hugs* all I can say is it's normal and we all understand. Seeing your Dad decline is heartwrenching. It's ok to cry and let it out it is cathartic and healing.
Being able to love and feel are part of what it means to be a human being. We mourn their losses and ours, too.
Some people hold emotions in, others are able to more freely express them. If you feel like crying, go have a good one. Trying to hold it all in can make it harder. It may help to journal. Look for support groups if you feel it would be helpful and you haven't already explored that. Finding a therapist to talk things through with can be of great benefit as well. Know that you have many people here who understand and keep us posted.
Being grateful for what we do have can be helpful. It sounds like you can put the love you and your Father have and the long time you have had each other on that list of things for which you can give thanks.
((((((((((Hugs))))))))).
You might feel better if you could sneak away somewhere and have a good cry for yourself.
I know if I could, I would.
Holding you in my thoughts……
Years ago a therapist told me, “ If you don’t cry over this, [ wrenching situation ] then what is there to cry over?” Those words made me feel a bit saner and I pass these wise words on to you.
Huuuuuge hug…
We are all different. I don't cry easily but hold things in, and in tough times there will be something--a lost cat, an injured pigeon-- that will free the tears and it's a storm that won't stop. And for you the tears are always there, just waiting to spill. Your tears are a release and a relief if you can see them that way, washing out the hurt and pain. Allow yourself a place to sit and just weep.
I am so very sorry. Where there is love there is always great grief when we must witness pain. I am just relieved that you haven't taken on the mantle of "guilt" as you in no way caused this and you cannot cure it.
Your grief is appropriate, and unavoidable. Be certain not to stay stuck the whole day in it, for it has no power to help you or your loved Dad, and it isn't what he would want for you. My heart goes out to you. When my Dad, who was not suffering, but who was exhausted by life and ready to go for years, finally DID go I felt great relief for his deliverance from suffering. And I was left with beautiful memories. I hope the same for you.