I am the caregiver of my father since the passing of my mother. My name is Damone B. I have been providing for my father since my mother passed. Yes I am a felon but I have been out of jail for almost 10 years. I owned my own vending machine business. I don't understand why they would put an attorney over my father finances. I make sure my father is well taken care of he's in very good enviroment. I don't understand how my past affect me taking care of my father. The attorney is not here making sure he eat, get his medicine, making sure he don't leave the house because he have dementia. Making sure he goes to adult daycare, taking him out shopping and church. She shouldn't have the right to have control over his finances. I truly think its very unfair that I have the responsibility to make sure his well being provided but someone else get to make the decision of his funds. This attorney I can't get in contact with when I need to talk to her. There are a lot of financial responsibilities we have. I want things to go the same just like when my mother was here. I don't want to go through any lawyer for finance when I want to take my father on a trip. Even though my father have dementia my mother still made sure he still went on vacation. Can anyone help me to let me know how to fight for my dad and me. Don't judge me by my past look at my future with my father.

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Jeanne, I doubt the fact that you are convicted felon has anything to do with a lawyer having the power of your dads finances. I can tell you this. I'm a professional caregiver, and my employer is a very, very wealthy woman. I used to pay her bills, and buy everything for her home, and her. However, there was a relief caregiver that took advantage of my employer, and the police got involved. So did APS. It was in my employers best interest that someone other than her primary caregiver handle her finances. It's to protect you, as well as your dad. In California, specifically the county we live in, there are only 4 FIDICUARIes that have been validated by the court system. This means that these individuals are licensed to oversee the finances of people incapable of doing it the self. The lawyer should not have control of your dads finances either. You should insist on a professional FIDICUARY or conservator to handle your dads finances. It's a conflict of interest for the lawyer to do it. These professional Conservator's charge a very nominal fee, andare as trustworthy as anyone could ever be. There are also licensed, and bonded. The FIDICUARY my employer has was a priest for 30 years! It doesn't get more honest than that. What he did when he took over her finances was implement a monthly allowance that he provided a debit card for. It works very nicely. If my emp,over wants something or if we need groceries or other items, it in the budget. Anything like trips or vacations my boss wants to take, we simple notify the conservator and he arranges everything. You should not have authority over your dads finances. Especially is your past and credibility is questionable. Why would you need to worry about money issues if you have the discipline to stay within an agreed monthly budget. Remember, this is about protecting your dad...not you. But, you should also get paid to care for him if he has the money. A fiduciary can determine that as well, and pay your wages. Tell the lawyer you want a fiduciary.
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When a court has to take responsibility for an incompetent elderly person, there are a LOT of rules they apply as to who can be responsible for the person's funds. They won't let someone with a really bad credit history take on that role, for example. If there are several relatives and they can't agree among themselves who would be a good guardian, often an outsider is appointed instead of any of them. The rules are super-cautious about not having this incompetent ("vulnerable") adult in a position to be taken advantage of.

So first, don't take this personally. There are rules in place. You don't get to control your father's finances.

Secondly, I really admire your attitude and apparent skills in taking care of your father. That you want to emulate the good care your mother provided for him is admirable. You keep that up! Don't let the bureaucracy get you down!

Next, I'm not sure if it is any consolation, but a lot of caregivers come here and complain about having the responsibilities without having authority over the money. Oldest Brother has financial POA but parent is living with Middle Sister who can't convince OB to provide funds for certain projects, or respite care, etc. So even without being felons, there are a lot of people here who can relate to your situation!

My advice is to try to work within the system. If it is very difficult to get in touch with the attorney by phone, try putting your requests in writing. For example, if you need money for a trip, explain that dad has regularly taken such trips and give some examples. Give an estimate of the cost. Explain how you will keep dad safe and ensure his enjoyment. Explain your backup plan in case he gets sick on the trip. Take time to think this through and revise your letter until it is brief, doesn't contain any whining or complaining, but presents the situation completely.

You want to convey that this is a normal part of your father's lifestyle. If he and Mom usually rented a cabin in the adjoining state and now you want to take him on an around-the-world cruise, be prepared for some resistance!

Keep your goal in mind. You want to spend some of Dad's money on his behalf for his pleasure. This isn't about reforming the court's guardianship processes. This isn't about letting everyone know how unfair you think this is. Focus on the goal, be polite, and ask for what you want for Dad.

(BTW, it is perfectly OK to come here and talk about how unfair this is, how you've overcome your past, etc. etc. You are entitled to vent! I just mean don't do your venting to the people who have authority. To them just sound professional and responsible.)
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