How do I start? My brother and I can't leave home until we ensure my mom will be taken care of first. We want to eventually put her in assisted living or a rest home but she's being resistant to the idea because she wants to age in place.
As your mother has dementia, her choices such as to “age in place” cannot be relied upon. This is the time you make decisions in her best interests, whether that be in her home with helpers or moving to memory care. It’s hard to feel like you’re not listening and honoring what your mother wants, and it never gets easier. But she’s depending on you to act. Please don’t give up your lives waiting on some mysterious goal or plan that will never come, a healthy, whole mother would never want that for you.
Above is ur first post from September 2022. You say Mom has a Dementia. If so, its no longer what she wants, its what she needs. Is this a cultural thing? You can have Mom evaluated for 24/7 care. If there is no money for private caregivers, then you apply for Medicaid and place her in Longterm care. If she has money, place her in a nice Memory care.
At 29 you are entitled to your own life. You need you work. I would call Office of the aging and have them come and evaluate your situation.
With dignity & grace. Accepting we may need help. Arranging & hiring such help. Running our household like a CEO or Royalty.
Or by pretending nothing has or will ever change. Live in denial, or fear. Refusing to help ourselves. Maybe damaging our relationships with unrealistic expectations.
Is it really about wanting to 'Age in Place'? Or not wanting to *Age* at all?
“Is it really about wanting to 'Age in Place'? Or not wanting to *Age* at all?”
Beatty - Thank you for making my own situation that much more clear. I think this may be the case with a lot of LO’s (maybe not all, but a lot). Unrealistic expectation of the ability/willingness of others to care for them as they age paired with the denial/refusal to accept that they are aging. It’s a recipe for relationship disaster.
Above is ur first post from September 2022. You say Mom has a Dementia. If so, its no longer what she wants, its what she needs. Is this a cultural thing? You can have Mom evaluated for 24/7 care. If there is no money for private caregivers, then you apply for Medicaid and place her in Longterm care. If she has money, place her in a nice Memory care.
At 29 you are entitled to your own life. You need you work. I would call Office of the aging and have them come and evaluate your situation.
We can all Age in Place. There are many ways..
With dignity & grace. Accepting we may need help. Arranging & hiring such help. Running our household like a CEO or Royalty.
Or by pretending nothing has or will ever change. Live in denial, or fear. Refusing to help ourselves. Maybe damaging our relationships with unrealistic expectations.
Is it really about wanting to 'Age in Place'? Or not wanting to *Age* at all?
Beatty - Thank you for making my own situation that much more clear. I think this may be the case with a lot of LO’s (maybe not all, but a lot). Unrealistic expectation of the ability/willingness of others to care for them as they age paired with the denial/refusal to accept that they are aging. It’s a recipe for relationship disaster.
She will be evaluated and the proper level of care assigned to her. You don't state what her level of health is, so I can't guess at what she'd need.
You can arrange for in home care, and Meals on Wheels or something to that level.
You don't give enough info as to her basic health issues to make a judgment call.
Can she performs her ADL'S ? Can she walk without aid? Does she have any evel of dementia? All these are questions that should be addressed.
Truth is, she's going to 'age in place' wherever she's living.
She needs to make arrangements for her needs to be attended to.
This is NOT your responsibility. If you wish to live elsewhere, do so.