Court appointed guardian or myself as guardian? Please tell me your experiences as a guardian.

There is a recent thread here started by someone who was a guardian to her grandmother who was being sued by a nursing home for payment. That would make me want to think twice before I took on that responsibility.

Most States do not pay for AL or MC only Long-term care. Your Dad is passed AL care. Yes paranoia, delusions and sundowning are part of Dementia but it depends on how bad they become and if can be medicated if even MC will except him. My Moms symptoms were very mild. I never really saw any sundowning with her. AL will not take your Dad as far gone as he is. He will need to be medicated for MC to take him. Neither facility is equipped to take in someone who acts out or can become violent. They must protect their other residents. With no money, you will need to place Dad into Long-term care with Medicaid helping to pay for his care.

"He is experiencing sundowning in which he is having paranoid delusions, confabulations, agitation, and confusion." Has he been evaluated by a Neurologist? Sounds to me Dad needs to be medicated to help with these symptoms.

You guardian or the State. Depends on how close you are to him. He will get help faster by having a State guardian. All u will need to do is visit if you want. By you having it, you will need to put in the foot work.

What would be the "benefit" or advantage of you having guardianship instead of the county?

You would have more "control"...

...but control of what? If he needs Medicaid, that narrows down what facility he goes to.

You get to control his paperwork, and medical and dental care.

If the county (or whomever the court appoints) has guardianship, you don't have to worry about the things mentioned above. You just visit him and carry on your relationship and life.

In our family's case my SFIL was first placed in a facility that was 1 hr drive from us. Since we had to ferry my MIL there and back at least once a week, we brought this "hardship" to the guardian and they got him moved closer. The original facility was much nicer because it was newer but in a rural area, so had MA beds available. The one in town was not good, but none of the county-run MA facilities were good.

I lack actual experience of being a Guardian, but have discussed this with Social Workers as a possible future path.

Was told a family member as Guardian is first choice - IF a family member says yes.

Things I was advised to consider;
1. My willingness (vs burden)
2. My suitability/ability (organiaing, paperwork, financials etc)
3. Potential harm to the relationship

I had previously thought I would automatically volunteer if/when needed but the 3rd point really made me stop & think.

Even so, would I say yes, in a crises, to ensure a smoother transistion into supported living?

Could I then give over to a State Guardian later if needed?

Windy, is that an option? Guardian now, see how it goes?

I went through the Guardianship/ Conservatorship for my parents. It was a pain, lots of accounting, lawyer fees and a hearing. I had POA at the time and that helped me with finances and getting them in assisted living then later memory care. But even with POA I had some trouble with a couple banks and couldn’t sell their property without Guardianship/ Conservatorship due to some old county regulations.

I would avoid the process if you can. It sounds like your dad is way beyond assisted living and needs memory care or psych hospital.

If he qualifies for Medicaid you should apply. Don’t go broke with his care.

I don’t know what your feelings are for your dad but there’s no shame in walking away and letting a court appointed guardian deal with his care. I considered doing that at one point. My folks who were good, kind people got crazy stubborn as dementia took hold and they could be impossible to deal with but I soldiered on and got through it.

Good luck to you.

My SFIL had Parkinsons and refused to appoint anyone his PoA, yet he was still driving and falling in the grocery store parking lot and having the manager drive him back home at least weekly. He was overdrafted on his bank account by $900, his quad home was underwater thanks to a second mortgage he was advised to not take out, which ballooned. He barely worked in his life so had very little SS money, no savings and $10K in cc debt. Wouldn't sign off on his Medicaid app. Thought we were going to keep showing up at his house with food, and to pick him up off the floor every night (he was 6'4" so it required 3 of us). Etc. He was still living with my MIL who was having her own memory and health collapse.

I got social services involved and they qualified for some in-home services. At one visit, the aid thought she heard my MIL "slap" and yell at my SFIL so she reported it. Honestly, my MIL wouldn't hurt a flea but his set in motion the county's acquiring of guardianship for SFIL. The guardian was Lutheran Social Services (in MN). They removed my SFIL to a Medicaid MC facility (because he became aggressive and was a big man). But the guardian communicated with us just fine, asked about his preferences and individual tastes; we were still able to visit him and carry on whatever relationship we wanted to (we brought my MIL there to visit him). But I don't think on Medicaid he got very good medical care, not that anything would have prevented him from dying from his PD.

Once he passed, the guardian contacted us to aske what to do with his ashes. Eventually they sent out a financial accounting of how they spent his SS.

Please do not spend your own money to pay for your Dad's facility -- it is unsustainable. The court can assign his guardian and you can still be his advocate by visiting him often and reporting what is and isn't happening. Your Dad is not a candidate for AL, maybe unless they get him meds to deal with his delusions and psychosis. Has he ever been checked for a UTI? It can cause symptoms like you are describing that your Dad has.

Report him to APS as a vulnerable adult. Then maybe start researching guardians in his county (so that when the court appoints one, you will have an idea whether to dispute this or not, if that's even an option).

May you receive peace in your heart on this difficult journey.

He does have dementia and he is a fall risk according to his evaluation last week.
He is experiencing sundowning in which he is having paranoid delusions, confabulations, agitation, and confusion.

You MUST know that no ALF will take such a client in, do you not?
Delusional? Psychotic?
NO, don't become guardian whatever you do.

You don't mention dementia here and I have no time to read former posts, but my recommendation, since mental illness isn't something for which the courts grant guardianship excepting in the most DIRE circumstances of proof of danger to self or others, and in those case the person is NOT manageable--do not do this to yourself.

Recommend reading Liz Scheier's memoir of attempting care of her mentally ill mother--title is Never Simple-- for decades with the help of the city and state of NY. All to no avail.

Allow APS to have the court have a state appointed fiduciary and guardian. Do not invest your own money, something you should already know, as that will be needed for your own aging care.

Call APS to report senior at risk. Let the state take this on.