My aunts an alcoholic. Shes been drinking since she was a teen, now shes 68. Shes had trouble walking for the past couple years she said. It got really bad a little over a month ago. My mom and I took her to the hospital, and they determined her walking issues are caused by chronic alcohol use. So she hasnt drank for a month. Shes doing physical therapy, and is doing very well, so we'll they are going to drop her from physical therapy. Well, about a week ago, I noticed her speech is very slurred. Shes stumbling also. Shes like that all day eccept for in the morning. This morning I aksed her if she was drinking. She said no, and that its probably her medication. Im positive shes been drinking, and shes trying to hide it from me. My question is, I am going to start working soon, and im sure she'll be drunk while im not home. If she falls, and hurts herself, could I get in trouble, even though she brought it on herself?
Whatever you do, do not move out of your own house. You worry about her falling, but what about her passing out with the stove on, or the shower running. Do you also want to lose your home to flood or fire?
You have been very compassionate, but this is a lose-lose situation. Also please get yourself to Al-Anon. You can't expect a decades-long alcoholic to suddenly change their ways, especially if they don't want to. They have spent a lifetime manipulating people to make it this far. You can't fix her and you should not sacrifice yourself.
It's been said on this forum before: don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
You are under no obligation to stay home and babysit her. In fact, you need to work. You will not get in trouble. Someone needs to place her, but it certainly shouldn't fall on the youngest family member.
There are so many things that can go wrong due to alcoholism. She could cause a fire by leaving the stove on or by knocking over a candle or whatever. Alcohol is highly flammable. She might leave water running and cause a flood somewhere. She might leave the house unlocked or let people in or invite people in and then you might find yourself robbed either physically or through stolen credit card or bank account info. She might take your car keys while you're asleep and drive drunk.
Consider yourself to have been a nice safe temporary respite for her. But just that, temporary. Of course she doesn't want to move again. No one does. The more comfortable you make it for her, the less incentive she'll have to get herself together. I agree that you should go through the eviction process, unpleasant as that is. Once she sees you're serious, she may leave on her own before the date arrives. Find out when the eviction will occur, and have a locksmith scheduled for that day.
Even if she ends up in a shelter, they have social workers and other trained staff who will help her with housing, SNAP, and other benefits, plus sobriety support. So in the long run you'd be helping her by sending her into a therapeutic environment rather than letting her devolve deeper into her addiction in your comfortable environment.
Again, you're very kind to have been there for her. But you don't need to disrupt your life permanently to enable her.
Physicians, nurses, therapists, and hospital social workers are mandated reporters for suspected abuse, neglect, or self-neglect of any vulnerable adult (usually age 60+ or a disabled adult). A report must be made immediately to APS(ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES) or law enforcement when there is:
Evidence of chronic substance use causing harm
An unsafe or enabling home environment
Falls or injuries while unsupervised
Impaired ability to care for oneself
Failing to report can expose the provider or facility to penalties and, more often, a licensing complaint for breach of duty.
But this should have triggered APS to come and do an evaluation on her and get her the help she needs.
Sign her up for Section 8 housing with the county. It's on a sliding scale for rent.
If she refuses to go, you will need to go through the eviction process and you need to find out what it is for your district. Where I live you go to the courthouse and get the appropriate form, fill it out, pay the fee and then submit it. Then you get an eviction notification poster that you need to post in your home where she can see it. It's usually 30 days. When 30 days comes and she hasn't moved out you can ask for the police to escort her off the property. They can take her to a woman's shelter if she's sober.
It will all feel awful but it's like ripping off a crusted bandaid: it needs to be done and it will heal afterwards. Remember: the more you enable her the longer you help to keep her sick. Getting evicted and possibly being homeless is HER fault, not yours. She had her entire life to get sober and have a plan, not suck off people and cause problems for them. People get sober at all ages, all the time.
Our church just hosted Adult and Teen Challenge, like we've been doing for the past 25 years. There are plenty of Grandmas there in recovery. If she doesn't want to be homeless then see if there's a A&TC program near you that she can apply for. Evicting her may be the catalyst to launch her into sobriety.
Then she 1) either pays you more rent 2) stops drinking or 3) moves out.
Join Al-Anon. There are plenty of Zoom, telephone meetings and in person meetings.
No, you will not get in trouble if your aunt drinks and falls down. It may be the wake-up call that she needs to get her act together. However, I doubt it. Your aunt is an alcoholic. Her desire to drink is stronger than the desire to stop drinking and take care of her health. Only she can control that aspect of her recovery.
You asked a similar question on Sept 11 and then it was a friend of your Moms.
This woman may have had a stroke. She needs to see a doctor for testing. You need to get her out of your house. Why does Mom not take her in.
I'd try to find her other living accommodations.
Are you her guardian/conservator? My guess is no. So start working and move out of your aunt's house. Let her drink herself to death, it's not your problem.
If your reason for living there is because you're hoping to inherit your aunt's property at some point, don't hold your breath. She'll most likely have a fall that lands her in the hospital, then a nursing home, and there will be nothing for you to inherit.
Don't be a fool. Move out and get on with your own life.
You need to leave sooner than later and get out on your own not with your mom and call Adult Protective Services on your way out the door reporting your alcoholic aunt living by herself. They will come out and do an assessment and if need be take over her care.
And then start going to Al-Anon meetings so you can better understand this horrific disease of alcoholism.
Never hide alcoholism from medical personnel. It is a disease they need to be aware of.
Best of luck. Attend Al-Anon meetings given by AA which are everywhere in the USA. You will get knowledge and support and a great community of help.
Nicholas, hope you can find a way forward to the future you deserve!
Your Aunt may have Wernickes Korsakoffs.
I'd move out. Sometimes you have to back way off when alcoholics are involved and take care of yourself.
It sounds like Aunt is close to not being able to live in the house on her own.
If she does fall I'd call 911 again and let professionals deal with her. If she is an alcoholic I don't understand why you would be in trouble.
Dad passed out drunk in the country club parking lot at noon. He was taken by ambulance to the ER. He called a caregiver to come take him home. When he got home he resumed drinking. Believe me I backed way off after this situation.
Or
She could have had a stroke (slurred speech, stumbling).
Yes, it can be her medication... what is she on? Who is dispensing it to her daily? If she has any memory issues she could be taking it incorrectly.
She could now have Wernicke-Korsakoff dementia, due to a chronic vitamin deficiency caused by long-term alcoholism. If caught early enough it can be treated, but in some cases it cannot.
She can have other medical issues that are causing her problem, but first you need to figure out if she truly is still drinking. If she is, then this is not your problem and you are not resonsible to take care of her, for any reason.
Get out while you can. Surely you can share an apartment with a co-worker or rent a room on your own. Trust me, your life will be much happier without the pall of booze breath greeting you every time you walk in the door.