Coping with the verbal abuse - is there a pattern to it, or is it a constant "new normal?"

Please realize that the brain is dying. There's a good video on utube showing how ALZ progresses. Put in Alzheimers in utube search. The video with the yellow brain is pretty good. My Mom had Dementia but progress pretty much the same. Those with ALZ lose their filter. They say whatever comes in their mind. You can't take it to heart because it has nothing to do with you. He has reached another stage. That part of the brain will die and then you will see new changes.

I'm not a doctor but here's my take from experience of the past two years (and it seems like an eternity ago) caring for my 91-y.o. Mother-in-law...they develop or become increasingly 'mean' and you've got to NOT take it personally (and that's a daunting challenge in of itself)...they are acting out on their own inability to be in control of things they had previously done without prompting or with permission. They are unable to reason the situation or regain control and lashing out seems to be their only sense of being somewhat in control. Often, they are embarrassed at their inability at self care and are resigned to pretty much doing nothing rather than asking for help. We, the caregivers, are viewed as a reminder of their loss of independence and become a target of their ire. And this is where you've got to somehow detach yourself from the emotional side of the situation (and where your support and outlets is a must and very important to insure your sanity is able to let you continue). This forum is a great place to get some feedback from other like caregivers so that you don't feel like you're going through this alone...we are all in the same boat and would like to help you paddle along to the end of life for your loved one. I believe in the sanctity of helping your parents achieve a dignified end to their life rather than putting them into a 'nursing home' and out of your daily consciousness...however, I don't want to judge those that do because I know nothing of their situation or their abilities...but as for those that have chosen to be the caregiver, I support you 100% and hopefully we can impart our own lessons-learned to help ease our own stress and anxieties of being the primary caregiver to be shared with everyone willing to read our feedback.

My mom went through a period of verbal abuse that was not constant, but extremely hurtful. She did get over it, and is mostly really nice now, but still often refuses her bath. In her situation now at the assisted living place it's a matter of privacy. She doesn't think she should have to be naked in front of the very nice lady helping her. They do all they can to make her comfortable while the bath is happening, but she forgets how it was just fine the last time and refuses each time, and on and on it goes. How your dad behaves in front of the doctor tells the doctor about his condition, so don't be embarrassed. It's best the doctor sees it for himself.

It's so hard. With dementia, every day can be different for some of our parents, for others, this behavior may become a new normal and we need to change ourselves in order to deal with it, since we can't change them. Here is a video that will help you build up your emotional resilience: http://bit.ly/2kA3n4X

It takes practice, but it can be done. I've been practicing for years, but it still stings sometimes!

Hi Gloria
another member posted this earlier. It’s a good article for what you are going through.
I hope it helps. And it’s good it happened with the doctor so he can see what you are dealing with. A mild anxiety med might help for when your dad has to be in a position he finds threatening.

https://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/11-12-15-elderly-dementia-outbursts/