When does it become easier to cope with a parent's death?

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I agree that this is a process and you have to find time for the process so you can heal. But you also mention that you have 3 children who need you just like you needed your mom. Hopefully that dynamic will help you heal. I also agree that counseling can help you work through the grief process and minimize the damage that could occur without effective management.

Rereading this it sounds cold, so I just want to add that I have faced this grief process, my dad died 12 years ago today and my husband committed suicided 15 years ago. My mother is very ill and not expected to last long, and I know that it will be hard when she passes. So, I am not offering advice that I have not taken. I am sorry for your very real loss, and glad you have children. I have two and it helped me. God bless.
HI Millie, I still have my Mom with me, who has alzheimers, but I do understand your grief. I lost my Dad 11 years ago and he was my best friend. I did two things. #1 I started a room makeover project and #2 every time I thought of my Dad I wrote down things he said. I now have a book called "Things Dad used to Say" next to my bed, makes me feel close to him. I always heard (still do), his advice in my brain and I wrote it all down. I figure if I died I would hope someone would remember me and talk about me, so talk about her, write a little book on her, give your children her advice and hang in there, it does get better.
It becomes easier to cope with a parents death as time goes by. The longer the time is from the time of passing the easier it is to cope. The length of time that it takes to get over the grieving process depends on the individual. Hope this helps. :-) Wayne
I am so sorry that your mom passed away. My father died 7 years ago on tomorrow and he was a hard working man all his life. Coming from a large family,, every coped and still in their own way. I think that grief has its own thumbprint within a person. Its wonderful that you have a good support system and comfort. Time is the ultimate healer and remember you are a mom and your kids need you to be healthy for them. My father didn't want to go he told me. He was 77 with heart problems. That made it rough for me have to deal with it. It is sad the way a person passes sometimes and that makes it harder. Your mom raised a beautiful person and passed down a treasure within herself which is you. Be blessed and thank God for your family and friends being there for you.
Rosehooks, this is for you. I am not a physician but, nevertheless, I can tell that your comments are pretty clearly telling us all that you are suffering from deep depression. There are prescription medications that will help you get through this terrible time in your life. Please think about yourself and talk to your physician about what's available. The old expression, "Better living through chemistry" is not a joke.
We have a lot in common. I am also the youngest of seven children and am dealing with the end stages of alzheimers disease with my mother right now. She is my best friend and we used to do everything together. I can't even go shopping without crying because she was always there with me to say how cute or ugly something was LOL. My father died 18 years ago, so I know the feeling of losing a parent. We were also very close. I cry everyday just imagining the loss of my mother, which I know is coming and just can't bear the thought. You never fully recover from the grief. What happens is everyday you notice that you may not have cried quite as long or were able to complete a task without running for the tissues. It takes a long, long time. I still think of my father everyday, but I can now talk about him without balling after 18 years. Everyday, I try and take a deep breath whenever I feel myself falling into the abyss of pain that seems to surround my life right now. God bless you and keep you
kristy
My mother passsed away on Oct 27,2011. She was 98 and lived with me for the last 5 years. I am an only ( but I have a wonderful husband, children and grandchildren) although I was the primary caregiver. My mom was sick, especially the last 6 -12 months. She had terminal cancer and was allergic to alot of meds including morphine. I was "hospice" at the end. My husband and I were with her as she took her last breaths. The last 5 years we had our ups and downs and we did resolve everything between us. I thought about her every day before she passed and I still think about her every day since then. I know she is in a better place and free of suffeing and pain so that does comfort me but I still can't beleive she is gone.
I still want to run into her room to tell her something that happened today.
I miss her every day and will try to remember the good things and happy times before she got really sick.
It took me a long time to realize( and therapy) that I was glad that she was with me until the end. I hope that I did enough.
May God bless all the caregivers who take care of someone.
oneand only
My father passed away 15 months ago. I took care of him while he was ill and was the only child out of four that lived near him. I think I started grieving when he and I accepted that he would not be able to recover from his strokes. I can accept that he is gone, and I know he wanted to be free of the machines he was attached to ,but grief hits me at odd moments even after 15 months. I think the memories that make me cry, smile, and laugh are gifts. I find myself crying at odd moments in church or during a movie he loved. I think we travel a road during grief that is very bumpy and a bad day is to be expected. I was overwhelmed for a long time because of the severity of my father's illness while his intellectual ability was basically normal. I know I am rambling, but I think I want you to know that grief is a personal journey. There are definite steps as we go through grief but you may go through them in your own way and time. Just try to smile as you remember the gift of a special memory. I always tear up and smile when I smell a Jamaican cigar, his favorite. It is almost like Dad has given me a hug. Write us whenever you need to do so. You brought up an important topic. Thank you.
My Mother passed away September 24th of this year and I feel her prescence even though she has gone to Heaven to be with Jesus. She was 78 years old. I am the next to youngest of 5 siblings being the youngest Daughter of 4 girls and the last one a boy 4 years younger than me. I remember hearing her last breath and telling her I'd see her later in Heaven about 30 minutes before she died. She was in so much pain really bad for about a year but had pain years before she died. Having Gillian Barre , diabetes,TB Bladder Disease, wearing a cathether for at least 3 years, kidney failure and staff a infection was more than her tired body could take. She made a comment to my sister whom was her and daddy's caregiver that she felt half dead. Thats a horrible thing to hear your Mother say but she had suffered for so long. I think about her every day because she's a part of me and I know she wouldn't want her children being sad ALL the time because she has physically left us. Mothers don't want that for their children if they love them and I know our Mother really did Love us so very much. Sometimes she had a strange way of showing it but gee whiz she had 5 kids to contend with even though we were grown and a husband that couldn't take NO for an answer. I'm surprised she was with us as long as we had her in our lives.The circle of life never ceases to amaze me and those that leave us sometimes are the ones that will be with us always and you know, they are, right in our hearts and minds always... You'll be ok as I know I will be. Others love you more than you know.
We are all in the same boat I see. I lost my Dad last year, a best friend in 2004, a best friend in 1988 (and grandparents and other family members before, during and after these times). The pain is different for all three because of the relationships I had with these three people and also the time that has passed. But my heart still feels the pain. I do not think we ever, ever get over the losses in our lives.
What we do to learn to cope depends upon our individual needs and temperaments. The day I heard my dad died I was at school and a classmate walked me to counseling. For me, that's what I needed. Family members criticized me for that decision to which I say "that's what I needed to do" and a daughter acted on my behalf and drove with a friend so as to get my car so I didn't have to drive. Another daughter hopped a plane, my sister hopped a plane. One daughter waited for her husband to get home. We all did what we needed to do in order to walk through the dark shock stage.
I offer the book ON DEATH AND DYING and although it was written years ago and for patients with life zapping issues, it helped me.
We all have this road to walk ... we are not alone.
Peg in San Diego

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