When does it become easier to cope with a parent's death? - AgingCare.com

When does it become easier to cope with a parent's death?

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I am the youngest sibling of seven and my mother passed away just recently this year. I am a single mother of three children and my mother was my best friend and my rock. My mother suffered from Alzaihmer's. I feel so much pain and sadness over her loss that I just cant seem to move on with my life. I have been told that as time goes by it should get easier but I just feel that it becomes harder each and every day. How long will I continue to feel this way ?

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My mother passed away 10-4-13, she was 93. Although I know we were blessed having her for so long, I still mourn her and think of her a lot. While she was in hospice, she was mentally alert but her body was shutting down and I could not bear to see her that way....I did see her before she went to hospice and told her how much I loved her fully knowing it would probably be my last time ever that I would see her alive. I live in MD and she was in NJ. The first few weeks and month after she passed I cried a lot and went through the motions with my brother of sorting things out with regard to mom's Will and wishes. It is almost 3 months now and the holidays brought a lot of sadness because she was not here BUT I did go through the motions of having Christmas...she would have wanted that. I have good days and I have bad days where all I do is cry BUT the good days are starting to become more frequent...and then of course you hear or see something that reminds you and you start grieving again but it doesn't last long like it did when she was only gone days or weeks. Everyone greives at their own "pace", there is no right or wrong way. I do know signs of depression if I have them but so far it happened only in the days and weeks following her funeral. I find myself having fun again a laughing...remembering all that was good about my mom...and that is a comfort to me.
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My mom passed 12 years ago. I am an only child. My mom was my best friend. When she became ill, I spent three months in a hospital with her. Then she was discharged and the second night home at our house, fell down the complete flight of basement steps, breaking her hip and wrist badly. She hit her head, and the outline of the pool of blood is still visible at thebottom of the steps. Now my dad is living with us, and has been diagnosed with terminal liver cancer at age 87. I am about to crack completely. We are trying to keep life somewhat normal for our two girls, but I am having so much trouble juggling work and this. I feel as if I dont want to be here anymore, but I know I have to for my kids. I cry all the time. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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hello

I am struggling with the loss of my Dad it is very painful as the previous writers have expressed... I am not sure if anyone will read this ..so will keep this short
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It becomes easier as time passes. :-) W
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My mom just passed away a week ago. She was my best friend as well as a mother. I spent the last 4 years taking care of her due to numerous health problems. I too can't believe how much pain I am feeling and wonder when it will pass. I had her living with me so I am surrounded by memories at home of her. I went back to work hoping it would be a distraction but still find myself thinking about her, crying and missing her. I am grateful she went quickly (aneurysm burst) and that I was with her when she went and she was happy. I am not married so I don't have a family to focus on. I never knew it would be this hard.
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We are all in the same boat I see. I lost my Dad last year, a best friend in 2004, a best friend in 1988 (and grandparents and other family members before, during and after these times). The pain is different for all three because of the relationships I had with these three people and also the time that has passed. But my heart still feels the pain. I do not think we ever, ever get over the losses in our lives.
What we do to learn to cope depends upon our individual needs and temperaments. The day I heard my dad died I was at school and a classmate walked me to counseling. For me, that's what I needed. Family members criticized me for that decision to which I say "that's what I needed to do" and a daughter acted on my behalf and drove with a friend so as to get my car so I didn't have to drive. Another daughter hopped a plane, my sister hopped a plane. One daughter waited for her husband to get home. We all did what we needed to do in order to walk through the dark shock stage.
I offer the book ON DEATH AND DYING and although it was written years ago and for patients with life zapping issues, it helped me.
We all have this road to walk ... we are not alone.
Peg in San Diego
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My Mother passed away September 24th of this year and I feel her prescence even though she has gone to Heaven to be with Jesus. She was 78 years old. I am the next to youngest of 5 siblings being the youngest Daughter of 4 girls and the last one a boy 4 years younger than me. I remember hearing her last breath and telling her I'd see her later in Heaven about 30 minutes before she died. She was in so much pain really bad for about a year but had pain years before she died. Having Gillian Barre , diabetes,TB Bladder Disease, wearing a cathether for at least 3 years, kidney failure and staff a infection was more than her tired body could take. She made a comment to my sister whom was her and daddy's caregiver that she felt half dead. Thats a horrible thing to hear your Mother say but she had suffered for so long. I think about her every day because she's a part of me and I know she wouldn't want her children being sad ALL the time because she has physically left us. Mothers don't want that for their children if they love them and I know our Mother really did Love us so very much. Sometimes she had a strange way of showing it but gee whiz she had 5 kids to contend with even though we were grown and a husband that couldn't take NO for an answer. I'm surprised she was with us as long as we had her in our lives.The circle of life never ceases to amaze me and those that leave us sometimes are the ones that will be with us always and you know, they are, right in our hearts and minds always... You'll be ok as I know I will be. Others love you more than you know.
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My father passed away 15 months ago. I took care of him while he was ill and was the only child out of four that lived near him. I think I started grieving when he and I accepted that he would not be able to recover from his strokes. I can accept that he is gone, and I know he wanted to be free of the machines he was attached to ,but grief hits me at odd moments even after 15 months. I think the memories that make me cry, smile, and laugh are gifts. I find myself crying at odd moments in church or during a movie he loved. I think we travel a road during grief that is very bumpy and a bad day is to be expected. I was overwhelmed for a long time because of the severity of my father's illness while his intellectual ability was basically normal. I know I am rambling, but I think I want you to know that grief is a personal journey. There are definite steps as we go through grief but you may go through them in your own way and time. Just try to smile as you remember the gift of a special memory. I always tear up and smile when I smell a Jamaican cigar, his favorite. It is almost like Dad has given me a hug. Write us whenever you need to do so. You brought up an important topic. Thank you.
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My mother passsed away on Oct 27,2011. She was 98 and lived with me for the last 5 years. I am an only ( but I have a wonderful husband, children and grandchildren) although I was the primary caregiver. My mom was sick, especially the last 6 -12 months. She had terminal cancer and was allergic to alot of meds including morphine. I was "hospice" at the end. My husband and I were with her as she took her last breaths. The last 5 years we had our ups and downs and we did resolve everything between us. I thought about her every day before she passed and I still think about her every day since then. I know she is in a better place and free of suffeing and pain so that does comfort me but I still can't beleive she is gone.
I still want to run into her room to tell her something that happened today.
I miss her every day and will try to remember the good things and happy times before she got really sick.
It took me a long time to realize( and therapy) that I was glad that she was with me until the end. I hope that I did enough.
May God bless all the caregivers who take care of someone.
oneand only
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We have a lot in common. I am also the youngest of seven children and am dealing with the end stages of alzheimers disease with my mother right now. She is my best friend and we used to do everything together. I can't even go shopping without crying because she was always there with me to say how cute or ugly something was LOL. My father died 18 years ago, so I know the feeling of losing a parent. We were also very close. I cry everyday just imagining the loss of my mother, which I know is coming and just can't bear the thought. You never fully recover from the grief. What happens is everyday you notice that you may not have cried quite as long or were able to complete a task without running for the tissues. It takes a long, long time. I still think of my father everyday, but I can now talk about him without balling after 18 years. Everyday, I try and take a deep breath whenever I feel myself falling into the abyss of pain that seems to surround my life right now. God bless you and keep you
kristy
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