Coping with making final decisions.

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My mom has MS, is 69, and was just given too high of a dose too quickly of muscle relaxers that she was sensitive to and had a bad reaction. She is now bedridden and unable to move. She can lightly squeeze my hand and can't speak. On Saturday I saw her and she was going around in her scooter, talking and playing with her grandchildren. Now She cannot swallow and has not eaten or drank anything since Saturday, Sunday is the day the reaction happened. She had an iv fluid bag at the ER yesterday. Now the nurse and dr are pushing for her to go to a hospital about an hour away to see if she can more help. Her living will states that she doesn't want an iv or feeding tubes. I ask her if she wants an iv and she doesn't squeeze my hand yes. This breaks my heart so much. I see single tears come out of her eyes when i tell her I love her. Please reassure me I am doing the right thing by not sending her. My mom and I are the only family where we are. I have three kids and my husband is deployed and I am having a hard time. As I am sure my mom is. I can't stay with her like I want. Please give me advice. I feel like she is so alone. She is in a nursing home and hospice should start helping soon.

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EBeach,
Thank you for answering back! It is good to hear when at first we think there is no hope, and then there is improvement. With a difficult diagnosis and continuing challenges, I wish both you and your mother many blessings!
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Crisis has passed and my mom has recovered. :) she is mentally aware and always has been. When she wasn't doing well I asked her if she wanted iv and she didn't squeeze my hand which meant no. I asked this many many times to her. She was ready to go then, but looks like she has some unfinished business and is sticking around. :) She is currently having memory issues now after this drug incident. I'm hoping it too will improve as time goes on.
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Sunny, I think the problem was that mother wasn't able to speak and Beach was finding it difficult to be sure that mother wanted her advance directive implemented. Happily it sounds as if the immediate crisis has passed? - hope there'll be a further update.
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EBeach, I must have missed something, but, I didn't see that your mother had cognitive decline in your profile. It just said mobility issues. The first mention of memory I saw in this tread was the one above from 10 days ago. Is this recent? If she is still competent, then, her health care decisions are up to her and it seems that she was telling you what she wanted by not squeezing your hand when you asked her about tubes and continued medical care. Why are the doctors not asking her directly?

I'm all for following the Advance Directive, but, if the patient is competent and alert, then, it's up to them and you don't have to rely on the Advance Directive. Maybe, I'm missing something.
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EBeach how has your mom progressed. I think of how hard it was to fulfill my Dads DNR and no IV. At the end he did ask for a feeding tube, but it was too late and we had to make that final decision to let him go home with pain meds, he had copd and lupus. But when he finally went he went peacefully and the pain was gone.
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Have you asked the doctor about hospice?
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Just today my mom swallowing well and is actually now eating a little bit of food. We will see what happens! She is in a lot of pain in the back of her head so she is unable to move, and just today she has gotten confused about where she is at. She forgot she lives in a nursing home and doesn't understand how all her stuff got there. We will take it one day at a time. I love the support of this community, you are all very appreciated.
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We'll be thinking of you and mom in the coming days
Please let us know how you are doing
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Thank you for all your kind words and helpful suggestions. When I saw my mom this morning she was talking a little. I told her how my aunt will be here Monday. My mom said, "I won't be here Monday. I'm going home." (Just because I know that can mean a few things, she definitely meant heaven). I asked her if she was sure and she said yes. Broke my heart. But my stress about making the correct decision is gone. I'm so sad the reason how it happened and if they didn't mess with her meds she would be here longer to see my children grow. But this is life and it's just how it is. :/
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EBeach what a heartbreaking story you tell. I think you are doing the right thing abiding by her wishes. I know that even so, it is a sad road to have to travel. I would get second or third opinions as Garden Artist has suggested. In the meantime, try to get some sleep and as MsMadge said, pray about it before bed and perhaps in the morning things will seem clearer.
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