I’m really struggling with living with my mom, whom has bipolar, multiple health conditions (including diabetes type 2) disabled due to fibromyalgia, incontinence, and a torn meniscus (she can’t get repaired due to lifestyle choices such as smoking and weight). She is 60. She is codependent on me and my sister who lives out of state. She doesn’t engage in social activities, she doesn’t leave the house, nonetheless struggles to get around the house. Spends most of the time sitting, smoking, or lying down. She struggles financially due to spending habits. She tells me the way she wants me to live my life and expects actions from me, including expecting me to stay home with her and away from my significant other. I feel like I’m going in circles between her, work, and my s/o. I have BPD. I'm 23 and unable to save money due to her not wanting to take on financial responsibilities.
"I'm 23 and unable to save money due to her not wanting to take on financial responsibilities".
Have you been forced to take on the lion's share of bills? Otherwise the lights & heating goes off?
You have enough self-awareness to recognize that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Good! It's time you saved your money and made a plan to move out.
Work on saving 3-6 months worth of expenses i.e. rent, food, transportation, utilities, etc. Start looking around now for neighborhoods where you can afford a place of your own or a room to rent. A good location is your #1 priority. If you have some friends who have a spare bedroom, ask them if you can rent it until you find a place of your own.
Making the decision to leave a codependent relationship is the hardest part. Once you do, keep your decision quiet. You owe no one any explanations!
Leave. And leave her to her own devices.
She's ONLY 60??? That is NOT old, although from your perspective, at 23, I am sure she seems old.
Smoking is not a reason for not having a torn meniscus mended. Being overweight isn't either, so she's giving you a line of lies.
"She struggles financially due to spending habits"--yet YOU are shoring her up, financially, so she CAN continue to do whatever she wants. Do you not find that really ridiculous? You're working and sacrificing so SHE can lay around the house and smoke and eat.
Your mom could easily live another 30 years. And trust me, she is NOT going to change, not one iota unless you force her to. She has no need to!
Please, get out before this is any worse.
She's chosen to not participate in a healthy life, but that doesn't mean that you have to go down with her.
You and your sister have to quit enabling her if you're ever wanting to see any positive changes.
So step away(or run away)and get on with living and enjoying your life with your significant other.