My husband has a godson/cousin who is a family physician with interests in alternative medicine & autism. I pretty much had lost contact with this whole branch of his family during the last 6-plus years of hubby's dementia. Finally emailed/brought him up to date & he was in the area on business & visited last weekend. Generally a pleasant visit but he said some things that upset me. He wanted to know if we'd tested hubby for heavy metals (he has been to SO many neurologists, I can't even remember!, wanted to know if he still had amalgam fillings (Dr. Cousin had had all his removed and thinks I should have mine removed), and wanted to know why we didn't get thimerosal-free flu shots. Then coconut oil was mentioned, & hubby's vegetarianism (up until his dementia diagnosis--I think he forgot) was criticised. I felt very defensive: He may be an MD but (a) I pretty much don't go for the whole "magic supplement" stuff (and I've read extensively about it), (b) during the past 25 years I've learned more than I ever thought I would have to know about medicine with hubby's various medical problems, mystery diagnoses & every test you can imagine (including probably some heavy metals--I can't remember all of it) & his progressive dementia, and I nearly killed myself with caregiving & worry & trying to "fix" him myself until a crisis forced me to get help with caregiving 6 years ago, and it's only in the past year or so that I am finally beginning to see the ascension of acceptance over depression in my emotional state. Now to have someone whose medical opinions I respect (or, I thought I did) question whether I'd done all I could to prevent this was like getting knifed in the gut! I didn't lose my temper, though...Later, the three of us were sitting around at one point, hubby was intermittently participating in the conversation (of course, we address him & interact with him even though for the past 2 years or so very little of what he says is comprehensible), & would alternately participate & then roll his wheelchair away to sit by himself. At one point hubby called out, while I was speaking with Dr. Cousin, and Dr. Cousin interpreted it as hubby wanting us to come in to see something on the TV (which I know that hubby doesn't understand AT ALL) which he was watching with one of his caregivers. Dr. Cousin later said to me "Do you realize that you tune him out?" Oh my god. The hours and days and weeks and years I spent trying to figure out what he was saying...I think I'm finally to the point where most of the time I know that trying to figure it out just exhausts me & I've learned to "converse" with him for relatively brief periods without wearing myself out...I held my temper but since Dr. Cousin left I've been feeling once again as if I might have truly failed my hubby--and that what's happened to him is my fault. It was a shock: this is the first time ANYBODY (besides me!) has criticized ANYthing I've been doing, other than exhorting me to take care of myself and to accept help from others! I tell myself that it's just another MD who can't help himself, but I'm still shaken by this. Any comments would be very much appreciated.