Any input on how to cope with a continuous cycle of downs in your life with very few ups?

In my experience, I attract what I project. If my attitude is negative, that's exactly what comes back to me.

Also in my mid-50s, there have been times when the possibility of developing a meaningful relationship comes along. Instead of enjoying the ride, I keep wondering when it's going to go boom.

My point: If she same negative issues keep popping up, it's because you let them. It'd be best not to psychoanalyze so much or treat these issues as if it's something over which you have no control. Everything starts and ends with you, and the healing has to come from within.

I hear ya. I sometimes feel that way myself. Like Eddie said, it seems like when I'm positive and feeling happy and hopeful, something comes out of the blue and knocks the wind out of my sails. I'm not sure why it happens like that. I once heard a story that life is just that way. You work your entire life to make things great and then you get knocked down and have to start over. Oh well....I suppose it's true. I try to look on the positive side, because there is nothing else I can do about it.

Sometimes, it helps me if I think of how some other people have it much harder than I do. For example, I sometimes consider Christopher Reeve's family (the actor). What a tragedy he had with his spinal injury. His wife worked tirelessly for years to help support him and care for their children. Then she is tragically struck dead with cancer! Their children must wonder why they had it so hard. So, I try to keep the faith and hope that my life will in some way help others. If I can make another person's day a little better or give them a smile, then I try to take some comfort in that. I'm trying to focus on matters of the heart and soul and not the money.

I also think that our surroundings can influence out mood and attitude. Are you still caring for your mother who has dementia in your home? That can be so stressful. I can't imagine the emotional and mental toll it would take. I think that surrounding yourself with other people who are your age and engaged in fun and amusing activities, might help. I know that's difficult to do if you are a full time caregiver.

Another thing that lifts my spirit is going to a concert of one of my favorite artists. Seeing Robert Plant always brings me up and gives me faith. I try to do things that lift me up like getting together with friends for dinner or cocktails, afternoon of shopping, volunteering for a charity, concerts, redecorating my house, cooking my favorite meal, etc.

OH, I forgot to add that music and dancing does wonders for me. I can have a great time just dancing around the house. lol

Some downs you have no control over. I just attended the visitation and funeral of my best friend's husband. They were held in the same places that I attended those events just a few months ago for her mother.

My friend had nothing to do with "causing" or "attracting" her mother's dementia or her husband's cancer. She had some control over how she cared for her husband in the 18 months before he died. She did it beautifully and courageously. But she had no choice about her mother's death or her husband's suffering and death.

When you are counting your "downs" separate out those things that are totally outside your control. Life is full of lows and highs, for everyone. It doesn't particularly pick on negative people, people with depression, people with poor attitudes. Those kinds of downs you just have to accept, as graciously as you can, and move on.

But the other downs might be worth examining for a pattern. If you keep attracting the wrong kinds of friends, it might be time to change where you hang out or how readily you trust people new in your life ... or who knows? But you might get some clues if you think about it.

If you keep getting rejected, maybe you should consider whether you keep putting yourself in situations where rejection is likely.

You have to take life's up and downs. But you can also make your own ups, and avoid many of downs.

Sunny, you're awesome girl.

Life is a series of ups and downs. Don't focus on the downs or you will be living with downs all the time. Focus on the ups and let the downs just slide away. DDDuck, be encouraged, life is not a bed of roses, but how you approach all the stuff that gets thrown at you. I agree with Eddie, don't let the negative issues have a foothold in your life, think of positive happy things. All the best, Arlene Hutcheon

The "downs" are unavoidable.
HOW we react to them IS up to you!
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M88