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Wow this is tough. My mother who is really nasty and my father with dementia live with us. They have been her 14 months seems like a lot longer. They don't want to move to assisted living but we want them to.. Mom is 90 and dad is 93. Help need advice

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You say that you want them to move to assisted living but they don't want to. That's a tough nut to crack. I often wonder what the hell people are thinking, moving 90 year old parents into their homes as there is no way in hell it ever works. Enough lecturing......

You will basically have to kick them out. Find a suitable place, get it set up, have the care folks do an assessment, pack their stuff and away they go. As Garden Artist said, that's easy for me to type, not so easy in real life.

My folks are still in their own home, shouldn't be, but won't move, so I'm just waiting for the crisis that forces the issue. But they are not in my house driving me crazy. Make it happen. There will be yelling, hate, God knows what but they will survive and get over it.
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If she calls and creates havoc with her disruption, why do you even take her calls? Just let them go to voice mail.
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If your mom is able to comprehend things, I would explain that they would be better suited in an assisted living facility. If she's extremely nasty for no reason, I"d get her evaluated to see what's going on. She could have an infection, illness or dementia herself that is causing her attitude.

I'd likely visit several places, depending on what they need and see what is out there. Is your dad able to make it in a regular Assisted Living? When dementia is very progressed, the person may need Memory Care. I"d explore that and find a couple of places for your mom. Invite her to go with you to see which one she wants. Even though she may be saying she doesn't want to go, I'd explain it's for the best and is going to happen. I' d be nice, but firm.

The only other option is to bring in outside people to care for them in your home and then stay in your own space inside the house. That can be expensive and also deprive you from your own privacy inside your home.

Stop letting other family members who aren't contributing push your buttons. Only you can put a stop to that.
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Wow is right. I'm not in this situation but plenty of folks on this forum are in similar situations. You should get lots of experienced answers.

I learned from this forum to not live with my folks. We will all be better off if they go to assisted living when the time comes. Dad will likely be in memory care.

In a nutshell, it comes down to a choice between having a life or commiting the rest of you life to eldercare. No disrespect to those that pull it off but it ain't easy.
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On Friday I had assisted living personell visit our home to try to persuade both parents to move.. Total havoc in our home after my mother told them she would make her own decisions on where to live. Subsequent to the visit she contacted her lawyer, financial adviser and my sister. My sister and parents decided to move to Pennsylvania to be close to my sister. Feeling elated that I will finally be free from my narcissistic mother but guilty over not being able to take care of dad with Alzheimer's. Anyone else have mixed emotions regarding getting out of toxic situation but feeling guilty about not being able to care for sane or semi sane parent?
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How do we get out of this soooooo frustrating situation we need a life. My husband and I second marriage 14 years but totally not ready for this!
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Advice? How can we cope? Sooooooo frustrated
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Btw they pay nothing except occasional bathing from caregiver but don't like bathes they smell
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They are here moved here to stay hopefully not permantely. Sooooo sorry we were nice guys.. Btw siblings won't help trash us when she calls brother hasn't spoken to them 10 years. HELP
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My sister favorite child calls every two weeks and continually disrupts our house
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