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My 80 year old father moved in with my husband and I 3 years ago. His only health concern is arthritis and pain caused by the arthritis. He depends on me to basically do everything for him while he is content to sit back and act as if he is dying. I have heart failure, copd, a failing liver and pancreas. I live with the fact that every day may be my last. He always makes a big show of asking how I am but then ignores what I have said and goes into a diatribe of how bad he is and how he won't last much longer. How can I handle this?

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My first thought, also, was that you need to go to assisted living. Forget about dad. Give him 2 weeks to make other arrangements and then, go visit ALs.
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Yup, do what is right for you and your husband or you won't outlive your dad. He'll do fine...take care of yourself!
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You definitely need the care not your Dad. Talk to your husband and decide what is best for your declining health and take it from there.
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mburch63,
Here is some good advice I was told yrs ago."Watchout for number one"(YOU)....
I'm a husband and a father of two girls.At the time I was told this,"Watchout for number one"(YOU) I refused,I thought it was wrong.I said to my self I'm not number one! My Wife and kids are number one to me!...It took me yrs to finally realize that I am in fact number one.Without me my family has knowone.
Remember that?!!!
Your number one mburch63,
You must take care of your self before attempting to care for others.I understand it sounds greedy to think of your self first before others but,you are you and only you.
Stop helping your Father and start helping your self.Because,if you die today who's gonna take care of your father.Your father is thinking only of his self why not you?
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YOU move to Assisted Living. Tell him you are going and when. He can move with you or he can try to go it alone. Save yourself, no one else can.
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If you are unable to care for your dad any longer you will have to find somewhere else for him to live. Is there any family that can take him in? If not your only other alternative would be an independent living or an assisted living facility. Like dogabone said this is happening more and more. As the baby boomers age their parents, "The Greatest Generation", are aging too so you have people who are senior citizens taking care of their elderly parents.

Having your husband sit down with your dad is a good suggestion and may help but I wouldn't be optimistic. If your dad is used to be waited on he's not going to change overnight and become thoughtful and self-reliant. Change is hard enough for a lot of people and nearly impossible for the elderly.

But like everyone here has said, you have to first do what's right for yourself. Your dad's needs and wants cannot come before yours.
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Happening more often then people think,
My 50 yr old causin was POA & Caregiver over my 88 yr old Aunt.My causin died from cancer as out lived the Aunt.There's people all over agreeing to care for their loveones not thinking that their loveones may just out live them.
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Try Counseling for you and a care center for him. Use some of his income to pay for services --- cleaning, laundry, prepared foods, etc. At least this will make your life easier. Alternatively, ask your husband to have a sit down with your Dad. Hubby should explain your health situation to Dad and tell him you are no longer able to wait on him hand and foot. Present him with choices: He can move to a senior apartment in the area, he can moved to assisted living or he can pull his weight at your home. A man to man talk may be just what the doctor ordered.
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