How do I cope when I put my 79 year old mother with Alzheimer in a home?

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is to place her in a home. I can only visit twice a year. He may possibly visit once a week. My mother is going to be very lonely, may forget us has she has done me already. I don't kow how I feel about the whole situation. How do I cope??

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Man, this is one of the toughest situations to be in. It's very painful when a parent doesn't recognize you and there's a lot of guilt because you can't be closer to see her and your brother. but - you've got to find a way to deal with the guilt and then let it go. Realize a few things:
-. Does your mom remember you as a child? If yes, then take heart in that and know she loves you. When you visit talk about what you did together when you were young.
-. Don't take it personally - this is the hardest thing of all. Your mom does not WANT to forget you or anything else. It's a disease that she cannot help.
-. At least you get there twice a year. Visiting from such a distance is a feat in itself. It's really UNSELFISH of you to do it - I am assuming you're using all your vacation since it's impractical to go all the way to the PR for just a couple of nights. Some people NEVER see their parents until it's a critical illness or at the mortuary.
-. Lonely is relative - When my brother lived with my mom, she sat home alone all day while he worked. When he came home they made supper together then he went to his room to watch TV, drink beer & sleep so she sat alone to watch her programs. All I heard was, "there's no one to visit with..." once we moved her to assisted living and then a nursing home, those complaints went away. She visits with people that walk by her room. she visits with table mates at meals. She gets MORE interaction than she ever would have at home. Your mom will probably do the same.
- Mom's safety is the most important thing. If she's at the point where her actions are a danger to herself or others then it's best she live some place where she can have supervision 24-7. It's safer - and far less stressful - for your brother and his family too.
Good luck to you and your family. Your mom is lucky to have such caring kids.
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