You will still hear their voices, and you can still share your thoughts. You do things on the holidays to honor their memory, look through letters and photos and tune in their favorite TV programs as if they were still watching. Cry when you need to and plant a garden in Spring because they would. It's called griefwork, a road to inner peace and knowing they will be waiting for you.
Having 2 near & dear losses so close together and also in proximity to major family holidays can be very traumatic. Allow yourself whatever you need to grieve. It is a natural emotion. Don't expect more from yourself than you can handle. Don't set yourself up where you have to handle situations that you know deep inside you're not ready to. Do the best you can. Everything you are feeling right now is so raw because its current. The edges should smooth out over time.
First, I'm sorry for your losses. Second, time will ease but never heal the pain. But you will learn how to deal with it. My mom's been gone for more than 5 years. There's not a day that I don't miss her. She was a wise woman, and I still talk to her every day. Many times I hear her answer. I think we don't lose people completely until their memory is forgotten. So talk to your parents. I believe you will hear back.
I've been mourning my mom ever since she "went over the edge" yet she is still alive (barely). Many times I find myself not wanting to do much of anything so I do things that comfort me and that way I can replenish myself. Other times I do better when I get out. There really is no Rx for this. I find myself talking about the stuff she said and did because she will always be a part of my life, and at times it brings a smile to my lips. We never "get over it" we just learn to live with it. My heart goes out to you.
I am so sorry for your loss. When my parents passed I was dealing with the financial abuse they suffered at the hands of a predatory lender. I didn't take the time to grieve or take care of myself. After meeting a wonderful grief counselor I was able to get my priorities clear and was in grief counseling for a year. It made all the difference to me to be able to remember all the beautiful things about my parents. Everyday now I think of something about them or sometime I love. Just writing this makes me cry. For me the grief counselor was so important to the grief process - and to allowing every step of that grief to be complete so I can lovingly think of them everyday.
First of all my condolences. There are not enough words to say to take away the pain and the loss but I hope you do find the peace, strength, love, and comfort to get through each day. Second, since everyone grieves differently, what one may suggest may not work for some. What works for me is to get up, eat, brush teeth, take a bath/shower, and sleep or watch tv until you fall asleep. Set the tv to turn off automatically. If you are not motivated to cook your meals (yes it's important that we all have to find the time to eat even if we don't feel eating), invest in canned foods like soup that can be eaten like a meal. They have different varieties: Steak and Potato, Cheeseburger, Italian meatball soup, pasta primavera, etc. All you do is heat it up about 2-3 minutes and you can eat it with rice or put it on top of mashed potatoes or it like a soup. Some of Campbell's f As a caregiver, I don't always have the "energy" to cook for myself so I do eat canned foods along with taking my vitamins, drinking tea and coffee, and eating sandwiches. If I have more suggestions, i'll be sure to post.
birdfan2, I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents this yr also Feb 15 (stepfather) July 30 (mom). Comming here and reading has helped me alot! It's my morning ritual now. I was all set to volunteer w/ hospice when my husband contracted Ramsay Hunt Syndrome in Nov so thats been put on hold. Lots of days I have to push myself to keep busy so I won't dwell....music, my pets and lots of movies have helped so far. Mom loved for me to cook for her so I've been doing alot of that also. No great answers here, just what I do.
I am so sorry you will have to spend this Christmas without them. Know that they are joined together in heaven (or wherever you believe they are), and God released you so that they could have more fun together. Anything you can imagine they are doing together will ease the pain you are suffering now, and if you really are having a hard time coping, get into a counseling program for grieving children or your church bible study. Interact with people who will lift you up not down, and start looking forward toward your future. YOU are still alive. YOU have much to offer this world, and you can make a difference. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and a new beginning!
So sorry for your huge loss. Be good to yourself, the holidays are very painful to those who are grieving. Perhaps find a support group of those who have lost loved ones recently. A local funeral home, church or nursing home can put you in touch. Sometimes volunteering can be a good thing to alleviate grief. Again, my condolences.
Second, since everyone grieves differently, what one may suggest may not work for some. What works for me is to get up, eat, brush teeth, take a bath/shower, and sleep or watch tv until you fall asleep. Set the tv to turn off automatically. If you are not motivated to cook your meals (yes it's important that we all have to find the time to eat even if we don't feel eating), invest in canned foods like soup that can be eaten like a meal. They have different varieties: Steak and Potato, Cheeseburger, Italian meatball soup, pasta primavera, etc. All you do is heat it up about 2-3 minutes and you can eat it with rice or put it on top of mashed potatoes or it like a soup. Some of Campbell's f As a caregiver, I don't always have the "energy" to cook for myself so I do eat canned foods along with taking my vitamins, drinking tea and coffee, and eating sandwiches.
If I have more suggestions, i'll be sure to post.
See All Answers