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Wife getting upset with husband because he can't be out there all the time. Goes as often has he can get off 3 days off in a row and sometime goes SAT-SUN. She states he is letting her down. Mother in Law not will to move to our area. I am willing to move out to that area, but it takes a high paying job to be replaced in order to make it work. Hard to come by these days. Additionally we have a 13 year old daughter to is upset that her family is broken up and wants here mom to come home, but Mom demands to stay there. Wife won't even take any free time to enjoy herself when we're out there. A perfect example is we spend a lot of money for tickets to a Christian music event but Mom isn't willing to go as a family because she's under too much stress. To me going off with her family and being exactly that would be very beneficial. To take it a step further, our daughter has been talking for months about the event with excitement, my wife wants me not to take her and stay there with her or she will be upset. (Tickets are not transferrable to another person to take my daughter because they are VIP) I'm at odd to what to do... any advise for me?

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You and your daughter go to the event. Obviously the MIL is very controlling and the wife is picking up every guilt card she plays. These family dynamics were established decades ago.
What you CAN control is your own parental dynamic. Do it, go, enjoy the show with your daughter.
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From what the OP writes, it seems as though this is a long term situation, since OP is talking about the idea of changing jobs vs. MIL moving. It does not sound like MIL is on her deathbed. I agree; if she is, it's a very different situation and there needs to be understanding on both sides.

So many posters here start out with "....I had no choice and had to....." there is ALWAYS a choice. If your parent is indigent, there is Medicaid. If your parent has funds, there is care at home or care in a facility. If your parent "chooses" to only accept care from family members, there is no law that says you have to provide it.
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Let me understand this....your wife has left your bed and board to care for her mother who lives a distance away and she is upset with YOU?

How about getting some outside caregivers to care for mom in law so that your wife can get back to where she belongs? Have you ever heard the phrase "leave and cleave"? A spouse's (male or female) place is with their spouse and children, except in the most dire and short term emergency.

Yes, go to the concert with your daughter. Consider going to a counselor to figure out why you are putting up with this.
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I too left my home and spouse to care for father that had had massive heart attack along with surgery. I thought it was going to be for a couple of weeks and ended up being 6 mos. It wasn't 6 hours away (only 45 min) but had a sister who lived only 10 min away. However she had her own set of problems plus job that she needed desperately. Thank goodness my husband was so supportive and never asked once when are you coming home. When he wasn't out of town he would could by every evening for dinner, to "entertain" my dad while I crashed, and of course see me. I also took care of his parents but not to this extent but he did appreciate how much I did do. I'm rambling here so will finish up......I finally couldn't do it anymore and saw that unless "I" did something this could go on until I dropped. I sat down with my dad and told him "this is what we are going to do" and laid out a plan. Sell the house, move him into a retirement facility, get his financial house in order and get ME home! It took a while to get him to be completely comfortable with it (thank God he is easy to get along with in the first place) but we go it all done. Oh and also during the 6 mos. I had to put my mom into an alz/dem facility. It was a terrible time, I saw my personality change and the stress was tremendous. 6 years later I'm still doing a lot for mom and dad, drs. appts and mtgs. but at least I'm home now. I didn't have a young child at home or else I wouldn't have been able to do it. Husband would have done the best he could but he traveled sooo.... You didn't say what was wrong with you MIL. Is she ill, dementia....if it is no wonder she won't move, their brains don't work the same as ours, some other ailment? She will be mad at first when she moves but when she sees that her daughter is happier and she gets to see her grand daughter more everyone will be so much better off. If she's not ill just wants the company or puts the guilt trip on your wife then I think you put your foot down with your MIL. Maybe your wife isn't strong enough to do it and wants SOMEone to do it for her so it won't be on her. I know my dad wasn't strong enough to take my mom so I did it. It was one of the worst days of my life but I did it for him. Ok, now I'm really going to end my long post. Parents shouldn't do this to their kids and I hope I have the mind still left that I don't do it with our son. If she can afford it, find 3 places for her to look at so that SHE can make a decision (she will feel like she still has some control) if not then look into medicaid, use a social worker or a elder care attny. Your wife might feel better about things if YOU have a plan put in place for her. Oh my gosh.....I could go on and on here but will spare you. Just be aware that IF you get your MIL settled, it might take your wife a while to settle back in and get her family feet back under her. It did me after only 6 mos. and that was 6 years ago. Anyway.....best of luck to you and your family and God Bless. He is with you ALWAYS.
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You have too many competing interests here. It is often very difficult to stand up to one's MIL, especially when the guilt card is played. But if you can do it once, the following times will be easier. In any situation, it is not possible to please everyone. Someone will alway tend to be unhappy in any situation. Some people enjoy being unhappy.
I also suggest that you keep a record of money spent on your MIL. Then share it with your wife.
Under no circumstances should you quit your current high paying job to move to be near your MIL.
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I guess I am being naive but I don't know where assuming the MIL is controlling or placing guilt on the daughter. Maybe the wife feels her mom needs her more then the husband and daughter at the moment. I would definitely send husband and their daughter to the show and perhaps husband could help wife figure out a way to get her some help with the caregiving. Sounds to me like the wife is overwhelmed and is looking for help and mental support. I often said to my husband that if it was your mom, I would do the same. Sadly a few months after my mom passed, my MIL went downhill quickly and my husband took 2 weeks vacation from work to spend that time with his mom. I think more along the lines that we do what we have to do, moms time may be very limited. Give your wife as much support as you are able at this time.
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I feel for the wife. She is trying to do the right thing by her Mom but sacrificing time with her 13yr old daughter who needs her Mom at this time. If daughter is 13 the MIL can't be too old. Is it a temporary illness? If not then this maybe the time to look into her finances. Does she own her home? Have wife call Office of aging and see what they offer in services. Find out cost of caregivers. I agree, leaving a good job is not the answer in this economy. Remember, your wife is probably stressed and homesick. Maybe its time for a talk with MIL. Explaining the stress her illness is putting on your family. If she can't come to you then other arrangements will need to be made.
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Yep. I agree with Pam. Your daughter and u GO 🤓
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Without knowing the mental or physical state of MIL and whether her condition is chronic or acute/temporary, I can't say what the best approach is in caring for her. I can tell you, however, that your daughter should be your main concern at this precarious time in her life, transitioning from childhood to teens. The last thing you want is to have her look elsewhere for acceptance and approval, and she will do just that if she feels that she has minor significance in your family. Look to her needs first, including engaging her in the care of her grandmother if possible. It's not too early to give her that kind of responsibility, but if she is shoved aside it may be everlastingly too late to foster the kind of relationship with her parents that she needs so much at this time.
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You will regret not having a life with your daughter if you do not take the opportunity. Some day your wife WILL regret choosing her mother over you and your daughter. Would you consider finding a counselor where your wife is and going there once a month. If she refuses, maybe you should consider having some counseling to help you decide HOW to handle this situation....if not for your marriage's sake, for your daughters sake.....hang in there.
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