How do I convince my dad that he needs to put mom in a nursing home?

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They promised each other years ago that they would take care of the other in case of illness at home. My Mother has been bedridden for many years and she is extremely obese. She has numerous health conditions that need diligent care for which he is not really capable of seeing to. She is verbally abusive to him. I suspect the abuse is also physical but he would never admit to it. He can't take care of her properly and his own health is declining. He just had a 2nd heart attack. I am afraid that she is going to literally put him in the grave from sheer aggravation and exhaustion. He is living in unsanitary conditions because he can't do all the personal care she needs and she will not allow anyone to come in to help her. It's disgusting at their house and I refuse to let my kids visit. I have tried calling social services and asking for home visits. They came out and offer personal services for her for which she takes for a short period and then tells them not to come back. I am at wit's end. My Dad says he will never forgive us if we force her in a nursing home but I love him too much to sit by and watch him die. What can I do?

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Thank you for your advice. I have 4 other siblings that would stand behind me with putting her in a home. Luckily, my parents share the same doctor so talking to him about the health of both of my parents shouldn't be a problem. You are right...it's time for some tough love.
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It is so sad when people make promies to loved ones and because of changing situations they are unable to keep those promises. Can you talk to your Mother's doctor and explain what is going on? He should be able to do an evaluation and perhaps your Father would listen to what he suggest. Hopefully, the doctor is aware of your Dad's health as well.

Sometimes as adult children we just have to be the mean person and make the right dcision for our parents' wellbeing. Let them know we are doing these things because we love them and this is how their health and safety will be handled.

None of this is easy and I wish you the best!
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