Does mum need assisted living and how to convince her to check this out?

Follow
Share

Mum is not capable to drive anymore but she still drives her car. She is in the drivers seat with all decisions. She is also violent and I have learned not to say anything about anything she does. She slaps me to show who is the boss and I can do nothing, just walk away from the situation and leave her be for a few hours. Mum thinks she does not have anything wrong and she changed her general practitioner many times over the past 5 years. She has memory loss. She gets herself into dangerous situations. But she will not admit it. A typical day goes like this. Like this morning. I arrived and had no time for a cup of tea and chat first. She had decided to go to her friend. She drove us to her friend. Her friend had seen mum last week for the first time after 3 years. Her friend told me mum deteriorated. Mother drove out of the driveway forwarded through next doors bushes, drove 4 miles in second gear to find out the friend was not there. She drove back in second gear engine making lots of noise driving way too fast. She nearly ran a red light but I told her stop red light. She hit the brakes and my neck still hurts from that. She pulled up with the same force when the lights hit green. She slapped me hard and told me that she is the boss and that will teach me not to tell her what to do. Nobody tells her what to do. I got out of the car at her house and just left. I did not make her tea today. No use as she thinks I poison her if she is not around to watch. She makes her own food. Now how would I convince her to seek some form of help? I think she would qualify for assistance but how do I bring this up?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
12

Answers

Show:
Would a BAKER ACT apply? It works great here in California.
Tape recording of events provides PROOF . VIDEO MUM PUNCHING YOU.
AS SOON AS YOU CAN, TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR BRUISES OR WHATEVER.
Don't antagonize her. It will backfire on you.
It would have helped so much if you had video of the trip this morning.
You need help so that you can help mom.
Keep us posted.
Thanks,
M88
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

GardenArtist - while walking away may not be an adequate or safe response - neither is staying and being abused. I guess it depends on who's safety is at risk.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks for the great tips. :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If you need advice on how to get services for your mom, who is obviously mentally impaired, try the mental health crisis line:

Seattle-King County 24-HOUR CRISIS LINE: 866-4-CRISIS
(866-427-4747)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

There are really 2 questions to this issue:

1. What kind of assistance can you get for your mother, and

2. Why do you tolerate physical and verbal abuse?

Start working on the second question, while investigating what Seattle has to offer in terms of assistance with someone who's physically and verbally abusive.

Contact the Washington DMV or SOS as Pam suggests and tell them about her driving, asking them to schedule her for an immediate driver's exam. When one of the staff sees how she drives, her license will be revoked.

BTW, I notice you refer to her both as Mum and Mother; I'm assuming that you're citizens and that she can get help through sources in the Seattle area, and that she gets SS and perhaps has other income to pay for her care, which probably should be psychiatric first to determine the extent of her dementia.

You may have to call the police the next time she becomes violent with you. Walking away is not an adequate or safe response. APS might also intervene. Contact them while you're working on convincing yourself not to be a punching bag.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Can you say to your mum "if you ever hit me again it will be the last time you see me"? And mean it AND she will take it seriously and know that you mean it?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

The DMV is a great solution. Rainmom, I want to run from this with all my heart but I feel I have to take the responsibility. I can not oversee things anymore that is why I wrote here for some advise. I can not let this situation go on the way it is. My own live is suffering from this as well.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I do not think it is the tea but she refuses to take any pills. What is the best way to get her into a psychiatric accomodation, without her finding out that it is me who did it? She knows very well how to hide everything. She trembles a lot and tells people she had that from when she was a child. Not true! She is the nicest lady when she has to and changes her doctor regularly. The present one has seen her once. She refuses antibiotics, treatment for foot fungus and it took me a month to convince her to use medication for her headlice. She simply denied having them when they fell from her head. I am afraid that the psychiatrist will not be able to tell how severe her situation is after a brief visit. And how do I get this visit? I do not have any say in her matters really. It is my sister who she turns to for any advise and sister is abroad, not interested and a drug addict.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict there is no way you will be able to convince your mum there is anything wrong with her or that she could benefit from some assistance. I'm afraid that this will be one situation that will have to hit a crisis and then you get to pick up the pieces. HOWEVER - if this were my mom I would walk away and let the pieces fall where they may. I would never, ever subject myself to anyone - mum or not - who'd hit me. Not ever.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

In a case like this you take the car away and never bring it back. "oh, I can't do that" you say. Then report a dangerous driver to the MOT (DMV).
Assisted Living will not take combative clients. Nope, the health law says those cases get special psychiatric accommodation.
Find out what is in that tea and discuss it with an MD.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions