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She and her husband have no cemetery plots or any other plans. My husband and my sister's husband have Alzheimer's. He is 2 yrs younger than my husband and not as confused as my husband yet. We have our cemetery plots bought and paid for and know each other's wishes. My sister can not get her husband to talk about it so don't know which town, which cemetery or any other wishes that should be decided on. They live in a town 3 hrs from any family and she has only a son who is very absorbed with his own immediate family and I don't know how much help he would be if one of them should die. My sister's husband is his step father. He is very close to his own father. I worry for my sister if she should have to make all these decisions in a moment of distress but I can't get her to listen to me. Do I just shut up and wait to see what happens?

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They don't have a will either. We set ours up a couple of years ago so I could make decisions for him. It makes me very upset with her. I don't know if I can say anything else to her without making her mad at me. She says just dealing with her husband is all she can handle.
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You might try one more thing. Do you communicate via email? If not, tell sis you're going to send her a letter outlining what you for your husband have done --in case she might find it helpful.

Might list things like -- we made out wills, named each other as healthcare and durable powers of attorney (she wouldn't name her husband as either one--maybe let her know you'd be happy to be hers if she'd like) listed all our accounts...etc.

Send it to her. Tell her to JUST ASK if she has any questions, and then let it go. Like Rocknrobin says, you can lead a horse . . .
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SandraO, some just don't want to think that far ahead... to them that is light years away.

It took awhile for my parents, in their 90's, to narrow it down... Dad said he wanted to be buried in his home State... thanks for narrowing it down Dad.... I bet there is more than one cemetery in that State :P Turns out Dad thought I had known since I had visited that cemetery at one time.... I might had been 12 years old back then, what kid is going to remember that?

Anyway, fast forward, more information was made once my parents had updated their Wills, etc. and it is now in writing. How up to date is your sister and her husband's will? Have them see an Elder Law attorney.
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You can lead that horse to water............... Yes you should drop it. When the time comes, she will deal with it. Many people have to do this every day. Is it a good idea to put it off? No. But this is how she chooses to do it. Kuddos to you for getting this done. When my dad died, he and mom hadn't done a thing to prepare for it. It got done. Not the best way, when you are under stress and grieving, but it got done.
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