Over many conversations with siblings (who all live far out of state and visit only every 3-5 years) it is apparent they are all in a state of Denial.

My parents are 90-plus years old. They are NOT getting any younger.

Some day they WILL fall and not be able to get up....they WILL break a bone, they will certainly feel extremely lonely, they will become confused....all of that and more.

To me this is just NORMAL. There is no cure for old age---it' s the way it has always been, for eons--if you live to be 90 or 100, and if haven't kept yourself active & in good muscle tone, there's nothing anybody can do (without a ton of money) to make these frail old lives much better.

But my siblings tell me all the time, do this, do that, take mom & dad here, TRY this, if it didn't work--TRY AGAIN.

There is no money for parents to be hiring expensive therapists to DO their exercises for them. There is no money to hire a Personal Chef to improve their diets. There is no money for 24/7/365 caregivers.

Their only helper is UNPAID and that is me, and I am On-Call 24/7/365, while still living my own life. I enjoy to a certain extent that I can help my parents, but I am very realistic that there is not much "life" left for them.

They are basically going eat, sleep, watch TV and wet their Depends, every day wither away a little bit more, and NOBODY can change that prognosis.

So why do my siblings expect me all by myself to work miracles?

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I also think your siblings might feel bad that they're not there and you are doing all the work and are trying to help in their own way. When my mom cared for my grandmother my aunt was out of town and was always sending my mom articles and giving suggestions. She meant well but it drove my mom nuts.
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Your sibling likely does not have experience living with or caring for any real elderly people. Some people think they are all like Betty White or the cover couple on the AARP catalog.

They need a nice visit, while you get a nice getaway. I would flat out ask they relieve you for a week.
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I'd send a copy of what you just wrote here, to them. Even if they don't respond the way you hope, at least you communicated exactly what you're thinking, to the people who need to hear it the most.
Although everything and everyONE ages and dies (unless they die young, and we generally think that this a tragic thing). We know this rationally, but I think our Western culture is so deeply, foolishly in denial. We are living longer than ever, there are so many medical advances, and it's considered admirable to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT and HANG ON as long as you can, and get lots of opinions, and take more drugs, and on and on. Personally, I think it's spiritually bankrupt to inflict this on the very elderly and very infirm.
I'm thinking of the wording that I'd like to add to my Living Will/medical directive -- something more than "don't do anything artificial to keep me alive." I want everyone to know that, once I become 'useless' (my physical/mental capacity is diminished to the point that I can't get around, I can't take care of myself, I don't recognize people, I simply require TOO MUCH $$$ and EFFORT FROM OTHERS to keep me going), then -- it's time! Give me a shot, and let it happen. We do this for our beloved pets, and we KNOW it's merciful. We are absolute fools when it comes to ourselves. I hope there will come a time when we realize it.
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