My 93 year old father-in-law (FIL) lives with us, as he fell on Christmas Eve and my husband had to leave the family on Christmas Day, 7 months ago now, to get him from the hospital. My FIL does not remember the fall and subsequent hospitalization and time in AL respite care while he recovered. No other family members will help. I cared for my MIL 2 years ago for several months before she passed away because my BIL and his wife would do nothing to help her, though they were freeloading in my in-law's house.
My problem now is that I need to have surgery on my foot and will be laid up for at least a month and my FIL is becoming more of a problem. He will not change his Depends more than once a day and yesterday there was a horrendous mess and stench in the guest room where he is staying because of a bad leakage. I spent a lot of time cleaning it up. He also does things like going through my kitchen drawers to find something to use as a tool, though I have asked him not to do this. I cannot get my husband to understand that I cannot care for his father, feel like my life now revolves around my FIL as I have to watch him and care for him while my husband is at work. I role my husband that there is no way I can care for my FIL while recovering from surgery. I'm not sure I can take care of myself even, as my doctor has said I will be in a cast and in a lot of pain. My daughter is getting married in a few months and I am helping to plan the wedding as well.
When my FIL was in AL he would not cooperate with the staff, refused to bathe for weeks, complained constantly and kept asking to get out of there. I feel burned out and depressed. My husband wants my FIL to continue living with us and I want him to go to AL. My husband will not force My FIL, though he definitely has cognitive decline and memory loss. I am feeling desperate. How do I convince my husband that I really need to have someone else care for my FIL so I can have my life back and recover form surgery? I get angry at him because he doesn't seem to care what it does to me. He only seem to care about his father, though I wind up doing most of the work. Please help.