How do I convince my mother to wear Depends?

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She insists she has no problem but believe me, she does. She is in an assisted living. Once in a while she doesn't make it to the toilet in time for a bowel movement. Horrendous! She insists she did not make the mess.

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FF- Your poor dad.
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08/29/16.... my Dad is in Assisted Living and the Staff comes in to get him ready for the morning, use the bathroom first, take a shower, help him dress... then he is off to the main dining room for breakfast. The during the day the Aides will pop in to check on him and ask him if he needs to use the bathroom.

Maybe your Aunt needs to change her morning routine, such as using the bathroom PRIOR to eating breakfast. Remember back in the olden days when someone would take the newspaper into the bathroom and tie up the bathroom for 15-20 minutes.... maybe that is needed to be done again :)
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Helpme1,
Your question says your mom is in Assisted Living and in your post, you say she's still in her apt. Is it AL or Independent living? From what I have seen, most residents in AL have breakfast in the dining room, not their own room. I suppose that's possible in some types of facilities.

I would determine what assistance there is on premises for her care with the the soiled underwear. Regardless of whether she has her own panties, pajamas or Depends, she'll have daily clean up in the bathroom that can be challenging, even for a care provider. I wouldn't think that she would be able to handle that herself.

Can you arrange to have someone come by to help her? Would she be able to call someone to help clean her up? I would also keep watch as, when one type of incontinence appears, the other may also arrive. My cousin, who has Vascular Dementia, started with urinary incontinence first and then went to bowel, within a fairly short time period.

I would also check with the facility she is living, because they may have rules about what level of care she needs and her ability to live there. In my state, to live in AL, you can't be double incontinent. So, I'd explore if your state has similar requirements, so you can make contingency plans.
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What about a bedside commode?
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Helpme1 the absorbency of the incontinence products sort of sucks most of the moisture into the lining so any stool would be pretty dry it could then be emptied into the toilet or the entire pant with the contents could be put in the garbage.

Now you have me thinking how you could get her to wear the briefs at night. Would it be possible to switch to nightgowns rather than pj's? If so would she wear the briefs with a nightgown?
Unless you got her some very pretty pj's that might be ruined if they were to get soiled. Would that get her to wear the briefs?
I will contemplate this and if I thing of a stupendous idea I will reply........
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Yes, I could replace underwear with disposables but she would not wear them for nighttime. She wears pj's and will not wear disposables with her pj bottoms. She is in assisted living but takes care of all her dressing and undressing herself. The problem happens only in the morning while she is eating her breakfast (and in pjs) and realizes she has to have a BM and can't move fast enough to get to the bathroom. This doesn't happen all the time but once in a while is too often for me. Question tho....isn't removing soiled disposables a horrible messy challenge? How would she be able to do that herself successfully? Remember, she is still alone in her apartment and doing well otherwise. Not a nursing home.
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Replace all her "normal" underwear with the disposable briefs. If she asks tell her they are at the laundry.
The disposable ones now come in a peach, white or pink color for women that she will find pleasing.
This way she has no option but to use the disposable ones or "go commando" and my guess is she wouldn't do that!
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What I did with my Dad, who had moved to senior living, is that I took away all of his underpants and replaced them with Depends. He had no choice but to use the Depends as he wasn't about to go commando.

Back when my parents were still living in their home, Dad sometimes couldn't get to the bathroom in time, and my late Mom would have to do all the cleaning up. After cleaning the carpet dozens of time, Mom, who was in her late 90's, decided the next time Dad made a mess on the carpet she would hand him the cleaning supplies and would watch him do the cleanup. After a couple of times of Dad doing the cleaning, I found on Mom's grocery list Depends for Dad :)
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I am having this same issue with my Aunt. She claims she doesn't make the mess but clearly she does! She is in independent living but may be on the road to assisted living if we can't get the incontinence issue resolved.
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