How do you convince your mother that it is not safe to be at your house anymore and she needs more help than you can provide?

Follow
Share

My mother is 65 but has MS, COPD, and many other problems. She can barely walk and has a hard time with many daily tasks. She usually manages to be independent but she has started to fall almost monthly while reaching for things and other. Our biggest concern is there are 2 steps at the exit of our home. She often cannot get up those 2 steps. She is trying to get us to build a ramp so she can use them, but that ramp has to extend 16 feet into the basement, plus would make it unable to use the elevator.

There is an option for her to use the back door, but there would have to be a sidewalk around the whole house and I don't think she could walk that far.

I understand why she does not want to leave, she has spent some money fixing up her room so it is nice, but she cannot get out of the house often and needs more help than we can provide. My husband and I both work and we have 4 kids so I am super busy. She claims she cannot afford assisted living, she could but it would take all of her social security. We just don't know what to do.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
7

Answers

Show:
Your mother would rather be someplace familiar than someplace safe. This is painfully common. Our ailing elders dig in and willfully ignore the toll it takes on the rest of the family. Can you subscribe to a home medical alert service and convince her to wear an alert pendant or bracelet? While she is in your home, she should be willing to make this one concession to your peace of mind. Notice I said "should." In the meantime, keep working every angle RE visiting facilities, pre-arranging placement and working the finances. Including Medicaid or Medicaid-pending. It will probably be an "event" that gets her placed, rather than a decision she makes out of respect for her limitations and your careers and family life. All the more reason to do some groundwork now. Good luck to you.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Unfortunately sometimes no matter what you say people have to come to the realization themselves, usually after they have fallen enough times that it becomes painfully obvious even to them that they need outside help. This is what happened to my own Mom. Good Luck to you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thank you for your answers. I will look into getting financial help for assisted living. I worry because she has had money over the last 7 years and just spent it all on things. I'm not sure if that would make her ineligible.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I would start by determining what she can afford. Get the information about whether your state pays for Assisted Living for those who qualify medically. Will her doctor say she actually needs daiy assistance due to her mobility and health conditions. I know that some states do.

In NC, the state covers the costs for Assisted Living for people who really need help with daily activities. If your income is below a certain amount and your assets, (besides one home and one car) are below a certain number, you may qualify. The recipient does get to keep some money each month from their check. There are some VERY nice places that do accept this type of payment. I'd look around and visit. Get the details.

It may also be that your mom doesn't qualify for financial assistance based on her income and/or assets. I'd explore to find out what is available. I'd do it immediately. The reason is that when seniors start falling, things don't normally get better. They normally go downhill and soon are looking at someone with a fractured hip requiring surgery and a nursing home care. Recovery from that is very difficult.

I know it's difficult to convince seniors the value of safety when falls are a problem, but I'd keep trying. I'd make sure you have her signed Durable POA and Healthcare POA in hand.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

We told mom we were taking her to lunch. It was the free lunch and tour at a very nice assisted living. We told her it was not for NOW, but for some day when she needed it. They kept in touch with her and visited her at home and gradually won her trust.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

We know it is time but she refuses to even look into it. She just keeps going basically trapped in her room and says she is fine. :-( She has very little money to her name so she cannot afford the kind of place she would like to go but she won't even consider it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

It is time for Assisted Living. No steps there. Plus they do the cleaning and the cooking. Lots of activities and entertainment. You can still visit, anytime.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions