How can I convince Mom to hire a helper?

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My Mom, soon to be 89 lives in her own home. As her closest daughter, I find that I am doing more and more for her (and feel guilty when I don't/can't). She is financially able to hire any help she needs but refuses to do so. I also have a disabled son (not living with me) who requires my help. I am a widow, retired, and just feel pulled away from living my own life. Can anyone suggest a way to convince Mom that I just can't keep this up and she needs to hire someone? I feel that my Dad left her well off precisely because he wanted her to be able to live as well as possible. Thank you all in advance!

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cook her some meals and totally scorch them. i donno, im tryin to be helpful but it aint my strong suit.. put pajama bottoms over her head? ill stfu now.. * sigh *
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I had a problem a yr ago when trying to get help for my mom's household chores. I had arranged for a lady to come in to do cleaning for her on an every-other-week basis. I was even going to pay her. Mom refused the help claiming she didn't want strangers in her house because it was too dirty. (It's NOT!) So the next time I went to visit (5 hr trip) she started with "will you vacuum/dust/mop/clean". I flatly refused. My daughter and I had already scrubbed the outside of her mobile home( by HAND with brushes and hose). I told her I had arranged for someone to take care of that for her and since she refused the help then I wasn't going to be her maid anymore! Well I was the worst daughter that ever walked the planet and how could I treat her that way? Not that I minded doing for mom...that wasn't the point. I can only get there at best every 2 months with work schedule. Besides I wanted someone that could come and give a little companionship too. My intention was to eventually have her come in a couple times a week. After I "refused" to do the everyday chores she eventually got someone to do it. Not the person I picked but the end result is the same. Sometimes you just have to find another way to achieve your objectives.
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Hi there! Sending encouragement your way...your plate is surely full.
What kind of help does she need - personal care, house management or both? Do you think the resistance is to paying for help or to having an unfamiliar person in the home? We were able to get the rate for homemaking a bit lower by working with Elder services in our area, but this does involve a pretty thorough intake process. Is your mother a very private person? Does she call you often to ask for help "on the fly" ? Also every town seems to have a Council on Aging that can help with transportation if that is a need.
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