She has limited investments and talks about how she is worried about losing the money if she needs to go into nursing care. Ten years ago she placed her home into my sisters and my names ( without asking us ) I bring up the subject and she deflects the question, refuses to accept any bill paying help, although now I am on her bank account, I recently found out the bank mailed a card to her in my name and she cut it up into the trashcan. My four siblings are keeping their distance, not just physically but support wise. My husband is my rock when I lament about all this. Will I have to be the bad guy?

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It sounds as though your mother is mentally competent.

In your shoes, I would make an appointment for mother with an eldercare attorney. Have her bring all her investment statements, award letters from SS and pension, etc. with her to the appointment. The attorney can explain to mom (and to you, if mom will allow that) what the realities of her financial situation are.

If mom needs NH care, her resources will have to pay for that, unless she has long term care insurance. Try to reframe her thinking into "paying for help that you need" rather than "losing the money".
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