And then getting mom and dad to move.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I remember my parent's primary doctor telling my Dad [at that time in his early 90's] he should use an alert pendant, but he said "that's for old people".... I said to the doctor guess my Dad will wait until he is 100 to get one :P

Dad didn't want to spend the money as he proudly said that he would tell my Mom he is going outside so she will keep a lookout. Oh dear, Mom was now legally blind and was almost deaf... yeah right, a good lookout... NOT.

I lost count how many times my Dad fell face down in the mulch or dirt, and it wasn't until a neighbor saw him that the neighbor would try to get Dad up or try to get my Mom's attention [Mom couldn't hear the doorbell or anyone knocking]. Usually Dad could give the neighbor my telephone number. This whole thing was so ridiculous, but my folks were still of clear mind, or so I had thought.
Helpful Answer (0)

Been there, tried it, gave up and decided to just focus on safe home stays. This issue borders on the level of responsibility an adult child has vs. how strong the elderly person can be in insisting on his/her own way, and how much the adult child wants to push the issue or find a compromise.

For the time being, focus on getting help in the house, make the house safe, create backup systems and procedures, but privately keep track of issues that could be more safely addressed if they moved to a facility. If either of your parents eventually raise the issue of moving, you can refer to the past issues to help guide them to making their own decision.

In the meantime, don't feel uncomfortable about reaching out to possible assistance on their behalf. I'm thinking of Meals on Wheels, private duty nurses or in-home care, creating an alert system with the neighbors, etc.
Helpful Answer (2)

We had to let my mother decide, in her own timing. She spent years talking about selling her house and moving to an apartment in a community. We had the kind of situation FF described. When she finally decided to do it, she was 84 yrs. old and had a couple of falls, trips to ER and other problems. She should've done it much earlier, because her age, her confusion, and health problems at the time she did it made it difficult. She said if she had known how stressful it was going to be to move, she would never have done it. It was a very stressful ordeal for all of us.
If her house had a full bathroom and bedroom on the ground floor, she would still be living there. It came down to that.

But during the years she talked about moving, we showed her different communities and helped her downsize her possessions. So when she did decide to move, she had some idea of what was out there (she rejected a lot, drove me crazy) and there wasn't much left in her house to clear out. You could start there.
Helpful Answer (1)

helphelp, what is the medical or mobility situation with your parents? What type of house do they live in, are the bedrooms upstairs? Do they need help during the day?

Good luck in trying to convince parents to leave their house and move into something more elder friendly.... it's like talking to a brick wall... my parents [who were in their 90's, both fall risk] their stock answer was always "we can manage".

Usually the only way to get parents to have a wake up call is for a medical emergency to happen, and sometimes that doesn't work. Usually the 2nd or 3rd 911 call where a parent has to stay in the hospital, then move to Rehab for a couple of weeks, then that parents may, or may not, decide it's time to move.

It took my Mom having a very serious fall where she spent her last 3 months of her life having to live in long-term-care. While she was there, I was able to bring in caregivers to help my Dad, as he was more then happy and could afford the caregivers. My Mom had always refused them in the past. After my Mom passed, two weeks later Dad said he was ready to move to senior living, and he did... whew !!
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter