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My Mom (85) has early stages of dementia. I have an appointment with the lawyer since last week she said that it would be a good idea. When I told her about the appointment, she sees no need since my name is on the checking account and I can pay the bills if needed. She has an old durable healthcare POA from another state that states my Dad (who has passed away) has the POA and I am the first alternate. Please advise me.

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Thank you for all of your helpful suggestions and I took them all to heart. We went to the lawyer yesterday and everything went smoothly. She had consulted her sister the day before who assured her that it would be good thing. That's all it took to turn her attitude around. I also told her a few things that I could not do for her without the POAs. The lawyer agreed that the Healthcare POA needed to be updated too. I am so relieved. Thank you.
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I am in your position. I can sign checks, but my brother is POA. He lives halfway across the country and is not involved in my mother's care. Paying bills is no problem. Most are on autopay. Writing checks is no problem. But I can't conduct bank business beyond writing checks and making deposits. My mother has a lot of CDs at the bank that I can't manage for her. I also cannot conduct property tax business or income tax beyond filing for her. I cannot discuss her retirement accounts with the pension and IRA companies. I cannot trade her little bit of stock if we need to. Really, all I can do is pay the bills.

My mother said she didn't trust me, so wouldn't make me financial POA. Her attorney also doesn't want to make me POA. He talks of horror stories of children who have POAs. I personally think her attorney is a bit nutty. My name is on her checking and savings account, so if I wanted I could have taken most of her money without a POA.

Not having financial POA doesn't bother me, because POA is something we do for them. It isn't something they do for us. My brother has a springing POA that will come into effect if my mother becomes incapacitated. He has already told me to do things that are needed and he'll sign off on them, so I don't think there will be any problem.

I have my mother's healthcare POA. I guess you can say she trusted me with her life, but not her money. :)

If your mother is reluctant to have POAs, talk to her about getting a springing financial POA when she does her advanced directives. If she won't do her advanced directives, there is nothing you can do. Many parents do not realize that these things are done FOR the parent so they can be cared for.
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Can she write a check while unconscious? If the answer is no then she needs to make out a POA for you to take care of her. Because if she were to ever be in a hospital and you needed to find her new living assistance she would not be able to get it without someone else handling her finances. You can't do it when you are not there mentally or unconscious.
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What do you suggest that I tell her? She knows I can already pay the bills since my name is on her checking account. I need ideas to convince her.
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Can you talk to your mom about some situations where you would be hamstrung to help her if she did not update documents? A lot of posters here could give you suggestions from their personal experiences.
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Since Dad is gone, all legal documents should be updated. You need a state specific form, and many states will not recognize out of state forms or forms issued before a specific year. Ohio has very specific requirements. Go to ohiobar.org and look up "Ohio Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care"
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Check with the attorney, because if you're listed as first alternate, then this might be all you need. I'm thinking that you'd need to have your father's death certificate handy along with it, though.
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