My mother, 92, lives alone a few houses down. She refuses to have even part time paid help or move to assisted living. She says she just wants to be with me. That won't work because she stayed with me after she fractured her hip and it was not pleasant. We do not get along. We cannot have a decent conversation and I have no patience left. She says I am bossy and disrespectful.
I am retired & widowed. Feel like my whole life has been as a caregiver. I was a nurse for over 30 years, babysat my grandchildren until school age and sometimes still do. I helped care for my dying father his last few weeks of life, cared for my husband with Alzheimer's until I no longer could and now I feel I have to resort to caring for her the rest of my life and I am ashamed to say I resent it. I have 2 brothers who live in distant states and still work full time so they can't help.
I also have a disabled neighbor who calls on me frequently for minor things.
I can see a cognitive decline like indecision, memory lapses, poor judgement. I think she is jealous of the little time I spend with my children and grandchildren. She is more unsteady even with a walker or cane. If I offer help with her medications or housekeeping,etc, she gets insulted and says she can do it herself. So far there have not been major mistakes.
Her reason for not wanting in home help or going to assisted living is she doesn't want to spend the money, which she can well afford.
Do I have to wait until she is declared incompetent to do anything? I do have POA and check writing privileges which I have never used. I would never use that unless absolutely necessary.