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He is 84 years old and is getting home care part time, so I can go out to do errands and to help him with bathing etc....I am tired of cleaning up!

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Edieob, if possible, do what my Mom [97] did regarding Dad [93] any time he would mess up because he didn't want to wear an incontinence pad.... Mom would hand Dad the rug cleaner, a scrub brush, and paper towels. After a few times of Dad having to clean up his own messes, he is finally wearing Depends.
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Have you told him what you've told us? That you're tired of cleaning up? That an undergarment and/or pad of some sort would cut down on the amount of work you have to do?

I didn't see in your profile that he has dementia. You should be able to reason with him. This is just me but if I were in his situation I would want my loved one who was caring for me to have to do the least amount of work possible when it came to my care. Especially where incontinence is concerned.
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Can the aide discuss this issue with him? Sometimes husbands take information like that better from a 3rd party. Sorry about his cancer, you be sure to take advantage of all the help you can get so that you stay healthy.
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