So, the short story...
Dad, 91, Parkinson's, moderate cognitive impairment, blood clots, and depression, about $30K left in assets (aside from the house, in a trust). After going to the hospital with blood clots in Feb, we moved him into assisted living in March.
Stepmom, 88, cancer, still staying at the house. .
Parents are in Mass., I'm in Michigan, my brother is in Seattle.
Having my dad at the house with my stepmom trying to care for him (with part-time help) was killing her and he was still depressed on a regular basis. He talked about his 'groups' but often slept until 2pm and rarely left the house--which led to the blood clots. Both my brother and I have had pretty good phone discussions with him--he has seemed relatively cheerful, meeting new people, etc. But, when my stepmom visits, apparently all he talks about is going home (when he's not accusing her of sleeping with other men). 24/7 home care is simply not logistically feasible short of someone winning the lottery. He does have longterm care insurance, which will shortly start helping defray the costs of assisted living--but it won't cover home care.
I'm going to visit in early June and have no idea what to expect. Ideally, we'd love to bring him back to the house, but are concerned he may sit down and say, "I'm not going anywhere."
Now, he may put on a good show for me or he may turn out to be hostile. Of course, he says he doesn't have Alzheimer's or dementia, but I also know he doesn't even remember why he's in assisted living to begin with (eg, the blood clots). He's talked about getting a reverse mortgage (an idea he rejected a couple of years ago), forgetting he's got a $115K home equity loan out on the house.
Suggestions on how to manage the conversation? Thanks in advance...