My aunt has made no plans for herself or her 50-yr-old schizophrenic son, who lives with her in the house she owns in NY. I'm the default caretaker, so I'm really anxious to get her set up with a will, power of attorney, medical directive, special needs trust for her son, a home for her son before she dies, and any other things that will make caring for her easier on me and my sister, who lives in LA (her 25-y-old granddaughter is also schizophrenic and cannot help out). I've met with an elder care attorney about my mom and my aunt (her sister), but my aunt hasn't given me the papers the lawyer asked for (she "hasn't had time to look for them"). Then last week she had to have emergency eye surgery so she's been unable to see properly!

This is especially important because we just went through a horrendous 3 months dealing with the hospitalizations of my father and mother simultaneously. My father passed away on November 18th; my mother is recovering and we're still working on a permanent system of care for her so she can stay in her house. Also, my 89-yr-old uncle, who is in a nursing home with renal failure and dementia, well, his wife wants my help in dealing with his medical care. He, too, has no will, etc. I am totally fried. How can I convince her to get a move on?

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Of course you are fried! Good heavens, you have a plateful.

Your aunt is likely living in denial. Getting papers prepared for one's own death isn't a pleasant thing. I think I would just keep hammering her with pleas to get this done for the sake of her son. Most mothers will do more for children of any age than themselves. If she can be convinced that this is vital for her son (it is) and make that the central point, maybe - with enough hammering - she might get the idea. Good luck. My heart goes out to you.
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