My dad is in a nursing home and refused to eat or take any of his medications. I am worn out trying to play nice, how can I deal with his behavior?

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My 95 yr old dad had a stroke in March and is in a nursing home under hospice care. For a while he was doing better, eating a little, and taking his meds. once again he is refusing meds and food. I am worn out with coaxing him to eat, drink, take meds play nice! is anyone out here dealing with this and how do you cope?

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This may come very hard, but when my mom was at the end of life she would not eat. the only other thing that can be done is a feeding tube. I would not do this. my mom's wishes were no force methods. I went along with her wishes. may if you stop with some special treat like jello he may take it. remember there may also be damage to taking in food. This happens sometimes in hopsitals. speak the nursing home and also hospic.
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Personally I'd be talking to the staff at the center and asking them why they aren't taking care of the patient as they are obligated to do. Remember, you are not just paying for a bed, you're paying for professional help. That includes dealing with a patient who take his meds.
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Thanks for all's remarks, suggestions and comfort. I am comforted by his hospice care and the care I see at the nursing home. It is the most difficult time of my life, I've never been around real sick never the less dying people, I am the youngest daughter of 2. My sister lives 3 hrs away not far but she may as well be on the other side of the world. I hope to learn from lifes lessons and pass them on to help others as they travel this road.
Kind regards,
sumlerc
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Mommag thanks for your clarification. I think I'll stay off the site for a while...things can get pretty emotional.
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Sumlerc, I was more responding the Prashworth's post than yours. Sorry to have upset you.
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When people sometimes stop eating they may have a problem with swallowing. When a elder person goes in to a hospital and they may have dementia, they don't understand when the docotro tells them to take breath and the tube is removed. by them doing this some damage is done. That happen to my mom, they ran a swallow test. I was alsways there. so I sarted bringing cold chocloate boost/ jello/applce sacue/ ice cups/ on my daly visits. The hospital gives them puree food that's lookd like dog food and also taste terrible. just be there and give comfort. Watch over, and saw so many mistakes that were done in the hospital. The assisting living she went back before she dies, made up fresh food in a blendger and also homemade soups. At the very end she did not eat. But i would not allow a feed tube/ mom had all her legal papers done years before see got sick. I made sure and my bank's program paid for most of it.
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He is tired and please don't fret he is under hospice care. As everyone has said he has lived a long and full life. Just be there for him.
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Just to let you know, I am a social worker that worked in Hospice care for some time. As hard as it is to see your father this way, one of the many lesson I learned while being in hospice is that when someone is dying (which if your Dad is in Hospice care I believe that is what is happening) it is painful/difficult for the body to break down food, that is why people stop eating. Many people think that their loved ones are starving and might even die from starvation, but this is not true. They are dying from the disease they have and like I said before to breakdown food during these last week/s days can be very painful. I'm sorry about your Dad; my advice is stop worrying about the food issue and anything else that may be causing you stress and to just enjoy the moments you have with him now because they will be gone before you know it.
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?!MOMMAG perhaps you didn't read my last posts where I wrote that we are at peace and a better state of mind...those who dare question my motivation for keeping my loved ones alive know this, I will go to the ends of the earth for my parents yet obey their wishes. I've asked my dad on several occassions he wish to die and so has the medical staff and he said no. So do you think I should just give up at the first resistance??? You do you! Those that understand thank you and I am letting go and letting God's will be done but I feel no shame in holding on until my dad lets go.
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prashworth, what is life worth living with so much assistance? The man is old and ready to die....why do you want to force him to live so long? Without the artificial drugs and forced feeding he would go in peace...what is your motivation to keep him living? To compare him to a small child who has a whole life ahead is no comparison. Sumlerc, does he have a directive of some sort...something that tells you what he wants to be done? Perhaps he expressed an opinion in the past about how he felt about being "kept alive". Even Mother Theresa would let go and let God...
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