My father uses a walker but is very unsteady on his feet & can't be left alone for any amount of time. He can't do anything for himself, ie, pour a glass of water, take his meds. He leaves this all up to my mother, including the incontinence.He also has some dementia. This is now taking a toll on my mother's health. She feels this is her job to take care of him. I live 1,000 miles away and my recent visit confirmed she can't take care of the house and she lets him sleep a lot because it's her only break. She waited a long time to own her own home & says they are not moving. Other times she says she would love to quit cooking and thinks about assisted living. I know she is waiting for me to pull the trigger. I've told my Dad we need to think of plan B and that he is wearing my mother out. He says he doesn't think he's that much work!! I don't know where to start.

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An interim solution might be in-home help. You can hire one person for personal care and another for housekeeping. This would help ease your mind to know that someone is looking in on them. It also buys your parents a little time to think about their transition into an ALF. It is good for them to get used to having someone else in their environment to help with chores and to interact with.
In the meantime, start looking at facilities online and narrow them down to a few. Call the director and have a list of questions handy. Be very honest and specific about your parents needs. Not all ALFs will have the services you need or they charge "a la carte." Whatever they promise, get it in writing. Ask if they have a memory care wing. You need to find a place that can increase the level of care as your parent's needs increase. Moving too many times at this age is traumatic.
good luck.
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Hi v81052,

Thank you for submitting this question on our website. We appreciate your involvement in our caregiving community.
There is a great article written by an Editor that was already posted in our community. We thought this might answer your caregiving question.

“How to Convince Your Parent to Move to Assisted Living”
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The Team
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