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He wants everyone to do everything for him. He is able but acts like he cant. i.e. go to the dr. by himself, cook for himself. He is lonely and depressed. but he is only 69 with no major medical problems. so...

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And when all else fails; I find the Serenity Prayer helpful!
Moore2Come
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Has your dad been assessed for depression by someone who is qualified to do an assessment? Some family practice physicians are very good at assessing and treating depression and some are not. You might start by speaking with your dad's physician - or the physician's nursing staff can often be very helpful in providing information and suggestions. If your father is clinically depressed, THIS is a "major medical problem" (you stated he has none of those...) Depression is a very serious medical problem that needs competent care. IF you father's physician does not seem qualified to assess/treat depression, hopefully he or she would refer you to a good specialist. If your dad is NOT clinically depressed, some of the suggestions of the previous writer could be helpful. You say "He wants everyone to do everything for him..." If this is a life-long pattern of dependency that has been rewarded by his family and others, you could have a real challenge on your hands, but you could get some help in sorting out ways to reward his INDEPENDENCE. You don't mention your mother or a stepmother, so I am wondering if your dad is recently widowed. If so, he might benefit from grief support. In any event, you cannot force your dad to change behaviors or attitudes, but you might think about getting some support for yourself to change some of YOUR behaviors and attitudes so that you don't end up rewarding your father's self-defeating behaviors or punishing him for something he cannot change without competent professional help (the depression). By the way, if you do find that he is clinically depressed, this would place you, any siblings, and any children of yours at risk for clinical depression. Just something to be aware of. Blessings and best wishes to you and to your dad.
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Perhaps more socializing is in order here. Contact your Area Agency on Aging to find out what they recommend. Often they have regular gatherings where he could meet people his own age and form new friendships. He may be experiencing some depression too if he is living alone most of the time. Hiring someone to come in once a week to do his house cleaning, provide companionship, and change his spirits may pay off for him too. Good luck.
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