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My 92 year old mom and 81 year old dad live several states away from me. Over the last several years, mom has shown increasing signs of dementia (although her doctor has not used that diagnosis). Her memory is significantly altered, she is frequently angry (at the news, at Dad, at strangers), and has become increasingly resistant to going out of the house. This means Dad -- who has become her care giver -- has become isolated too. Mom fights / resists his efforts to have a caregiver come in a few hours a month while he goes to appointments or just to get out of the house. I know it is unhelpful to reason with her, but Dad needs the help. How should I advise him? Mom takes out a lot of her anger on him, and he's stressed and frustrated, but doesn't want to ignore her wishes. Help and advice would be so very much appreciated.

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I agree with ba8alou. Dad needs to have a knowledgeable specialist on his side. He doesn't have to spell out to Mother what the visit to this new doctor is for -- just get her there.
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Has she been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist? There are some medications...NOT tranquilizers, that may be helpful in alleviating what sound like anxiety and depression. Are you in touch with her doctor or can dad do so?
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Phone calls are only the tip of the iceberg. You go there and check on them in person. If that is impossible, you ask their county social services to check on them.
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