Mom had serious cognitive difficulties, likely Alzheimers. Dad is 73, has Parkinson's, but is still mentally pretty good. On a good day, mom does well enough in her routine that she could fool a stranger, but she has 'manic' episodes, particularly when she hasn't slept, when she loses all ability to be rational. She has a poor grasp of time, dates and place, and no ability to consistently follow instructions, like in taking meds. He does all of the planning, organizing, scheduling, reminding, for her.
They retired to a resort area when health was good, and are 2+ hours away from the closest of their 4 kids. We, the siblings, are all in agreement that the time has come for them to be near, within a few minutes, of one of us. We worry about his health as much as hers, because he should keep his stress level down because of the Parkinsons. Last week, I had to call security at their community to go check on them after she called my brother sobbing while driving around (yes, we know she should not be driving, but we cant convince dad to take the keys from her yet either) with some delusional story that he tried to kill her, or himself, and he wasn't answering the phone in the house. During the immediate crisis, both agreed they needed to move, but once things calmed back down, she forgot, and he fell straight back into saying they are "handling things".
We have offered to help as much as they want to make the move easy on them. We will pay the cost for the move. We've shown them apartments, 55+ apartments, and independent living communities in three different states. They refuse. Dad insists they are not ready yet, and that they are fine most of the time. We insist that he needs to plan for the bad days, as they will only get more frequent.
My question is, since Dad is still OK, what can we do to convince him that they need to move NOW. If it was just Mom, we would make the choice for her. But taking the choice away from Dad, an otherwise competent adult? Is there a way to get social services involved without him hating us? Any one else deal with something similar? We are out of ideas! We feel like it is going to take something tragic happening to make him realize the time is NOW!