My Mother died 5 years ago after a long illness that drained both me and my father of a certain amount of emotional strength. 3 years ago my 75-year old father took up with a 61-year-old, penniless woman he met at his yacht-club bar (after going thru 3 - that I know of - similar women at same bar), and has since began & developed a twisted, sexually-based, emotionally sadomasochistic relationship with her that has this past month spiraled into the depths. It would be almost funny if it wasn't so serious. I have cried myself to sleep almost every night since then from my remote motel room (I work on the road). My dying mother promised me (an only child) a good deal of inheritance that they both worked to build as an estate -- we are/were all hard-working engineer-types. Over the 3 years I have stood by (in and around my various stints on the road) and watched this conniving woman take mortar and brick out of this promise, one by one. I kept my mouth shut and even endured her zingers to my face about my career and roadie lifestyle (behind his back, naturally) for these 3 years -- I watched the new expensive car, the endless expensive meals out (I do not exaggerate, often with her friends and family included on his tab), the European vacation, the apartment of her own because she couldn't afford the rent (actually, her roommate also probably didn't like the drinking/sex nights), and now the inevitable -- the she couldn't afford the rent anymore on her place and moved in with him. She now complains her back hurts from her nursery-school job ( = her health is poor from excessive eating & drinking) and I know quitting her job and spending both his & Mom's SS (then marriage) is next.
First of all give your self a big hug from all of us.
Take several very deep breaths and go from there.
Every persons back ground is readily available now on the internet. Now I am not jn agreement with this information being public BUT in your case I would start digging and find out everything you can about this person.It is just possible there is something legal you can do. At the very least it will give you something practical to do rather than sitting home fretting. Other than that I don't think there is a *&%#*+: you can do. Unfortunately dad knows exactly what he has done. He just does not know how to get out of the mess.
to forgive is divine but vengeance is mine..
Marriage could be next but that may not be in her best interests. if he is running up credit card bills to pay for her every desire she certainly does not want to be responsible for any debt when he's gone.
How do you know about this sadomasochistic relationship and excessive sex.? Has Dad told you? does she drop hints or do you have a very fertile imagination?
Quit crying yourself to sleep and start being realistic.
You have absolutely no right to interfere in your father's life. Does dad enjpy the luxurious food and drink or does he just pay the bill and take a can of Ensure along for himself? How about the European vacation. did he and Mom ever take one or were they too busy saving for the "future" Fat lot of good that did your Mom.
Dad worked hard for his money and it is HIS money so quit being jealous of some one else giving him happiness while he spends it.
Now think about what you are going to do when dad's health fails and the Bimbo is gone. Are you going to sacrifice your life to take care of Dad at the expense of your husband and career. Iif it gives you any comfort Dad is probably about to throw this leech out but it's difficult to get rid of clinging ivy. just be thanful that she can't pull the pregnancy card. it could be far worse so concentrate on your life for the time being.
My father was deliriously happy, wife #3 was a twin for Grace Kelly, with grace and charm that turned every man's head when she entered the room. For twenty five years she made sure that 3 meals a day were promptly on time, the shirts were ironed, his underwear was spotless and his coffee was hot. She was not a good nurse, too squeamish, not fond of grandchildren racing around, but she was intelligent and articulate. They would argue. She would win.
At age 83 my father dropped dead. I pulled out his Will. She was terrified, and I told her "It's all yours. You get everything." As it should be.
Back off, let the girlfriend care for him when he's sick, keep in touch and enjoy him when you visit. Your husband should be your main priority. If this continues you will probably lose him to someone who's prepared to be home, not always on the road, and isn't obsessed with an inheritance. Only you can decide where your priorities lie.
Sorry, you do not get a vote in whom dad sees, or how he spends his money. He has the right to spend it. Whatever is left over will be your inheritance, unless he sees fit to provide for someone else instead.
Deathbed promises are emotional, caring and loving, but not legally binding.
Think fondly of your mother and be grateful dad is happy and has a life and is not sucking the air out of yours by wanting constant attention.
1. You can go to court to and have your Dad legally declared incompetent.
2. It's Dad's money not your inheritance..He can spend it as he wants on who he wants...