I am my boyfriend's caregiver---his kids don't want to deal with the daily cancer fight--they want to be at phone's length away which is fine for me----I need now to have him sign a directive so there will be no question when the time comes---I don't knw how to ask him about these----he is in such a delicate state that any question about end of life sets him off and he will not talk to me for days------his kids are in there 40's and have lives of there own----we live in my house so that is not a problem---and how much are they responsible for the funeral?

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My sister died six months after being diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer. The hospital where she was being treated had a Cancer Care Specialist who was very helpful in telling us what to expect and how to get MPOA and health directives; she also referred us to a lawyer for doing a will, etc. The cancer center also had a social worker and a psychologist on staff for assistance, You might want to start there.

I will have to admit, though, that I chickened out on many opportunities to openly discuss the fact that my sister was dying, because I was brought up to deny painful situations and to not talk about feelings. As hard as this time was, I often wish I could go back and do it over again. I am glad you are here asking questions and getting support.

Another good resource is hospice, if your boyfriend is near the end of his life journey. But I would definitely check with a couple of hospice organizations, I found that some are more helpful than others.

For yourself, if you're not already involved with a support group or a good circle of friends who will be there for you, please consider doing so. Having a few people who will be there just for you is very important. Best wishes to both you and your boyfriend.
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I am sorry you have to go through this alone.
Maybe if you try to explain to him the predicament he will be putting you into he'll come around.

If he has life insurance then that should help pay for funeral.

Has he appointed you as his POA financial & medical? If it's his kids then you'll definitely need to change that if he wants you to be it.

If his kids are in his will and he has funds to pay for funeral then it should be there responsibility for funeral, but that being said, if they choose not to use the money for his funeral then there's not much you can do.

I personally would leave all arrangements up to the kids if they are listed in his will and let them plan and pay for it.
Good luck..HUGS...

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