How can I control my temper when I am so fatigue and tired?

The point is the government is paying billions and a lot of it is misdirected. If they would pay caregivers like us who care for our parents iin our homes or theirs, it would save billions and take care of more people. I am totally for government responsibility, I have been hard working all my life and still am but I thank God the Government started Medicare. The government money is going to flow somewhere - let's direct it to those who would help save lives and money. we save money by keeping people out of nursing himes in some situations.

You're NOT a bad person - we've all lost our temper at least once. My goodness, the stress we're all under...we can't be Mary Poppins everyday!! In the ten years I've cared for my mother so far, I've snapped a few times. A few months ago, I told her to shut-up - and it's because I didn't sleep well the night before and I was just so, so tired that day. I immediately walked out of the room, let myself cry because I felt so horrible telling her to shut-up, took a few deep breaths, and then returned to what I was doing and I after was done with that task, I spent an hour away from her as I was in the kitchen doing what I needed to do. After that hour was up, I felt more at ease and could return to my mother's room without getting tense. You need to look into getting respite care, like it's for only once a week. I have a respite caregiver come in once a week, and some weeks I'll just take a long nap in my bedroom while she's caring for my mother down the hall. You stated your Mother deserves the best - well, yes, I think most of us want this for our parents BUT YOU deserve the best because you're sacrificing so much and not asking for anything in return. It's time for you to get some help; this will be good for the both of you.

I suggest you review the cost of nursing home care and the extended life of many who are placed in those facilities at an average cost 8 thousand monthly. This comes to nearly 100 thousand a year. The older people most never bought long term insurance but the new breed are all scrambling for coverage. Why the Government? Until this plague is controlled those who must be housed away from home where to?

I enjoy being a contrarian once in awhile to expand the discussion and liven things up.

Question: Why is it always the governments responsibility to finance and solve problems? It reminds me of fathers not paying child support...its their child. Don't we have some individual responsibility to step up; buy long term and supplemental insurance, Medicare insurance, dental insurance. Forget the new car, things. prepare for the future. OOOOOps! Did I star a fire?

Home without Dad thank you for responding as you seem to be the only one to date that has taken the time to do so. Many of our correspondence from the UK some from Australia and few from Canada. This is such a vital program to listen and learn and I wish the management of this service would grind out some publicity to attract more participants.

It is impossible to care for a very sick person without severe stress and the inevitable fatigue causes anger. Respite is a MUST. Otherwise you get ill and then the person will have to be moved in to a nursing home! I am at this stage with my husband of 50 years who has several severe illnesses. Decided a home is the last resort as I cared for my mother for 15 years and she still had to go in to a nursing home in the end. They cost the earth and are usually understaffed so one feels even more guilty! ( She hated it!) I am paying a friend to cover one day a week with my husband just for a break. Home care if affordable may be the answer.

Thank you Normandy, I am going to write and call my Senators. You are absolutely right. Medicare should cover caregivers. Good points well made, well taken.

cactusjim here;thankyou for your heart. alz has meetings every other week and am going to take my sugar to the hairdresser for the works.this will give me the chance to make it.I felt a uplifting bond reading your suggestions.Im with you normandy.We live in the greatest country ,run by lawyers ,who sold the farm. thank you nancy for your prayers .I pray for all of you.

When my grandmother was nearing the end of her time, she was VERY demanding with my mom. Mom wouldn't hear of either of us helping her. She felt it was her duty only. We did the next best thing & hired a caregiver to come to the house twice a week & sit with grandma so mom could get away. Mom fussed at first then decided it was a pretty good deal. She would go to a local fast food place & take her lunch to a park close by. Sometimes she would get her hair done. It was only for an hour or so, but it was time just for herself. When she got back, if grandma had fallen asleep, the caregiver would be doing dishes, sweeping the floor, etc. It really saved Mom's sanity and gave them both a little break from each other.

Staying on the question the current slate of Presidential candidates have completely ignored the dementia diseases and the necessity to mount a war that kills without bullets. Wake up America and let your voices be heard, The issues, tax relief for caregivers, regulated cost of medicines, change Medicare to enlarge services to patients, NIH patient study innovations. I seem to be the only one to my knowledge that keeps grinding at Government to do something. AA and AARP seem silent let us sound the siren before we are all victims.

"Fatigue makes a coward of us all" an old quote with plenty of wisdom. Pilots cannot fly without required sleep...truck drivers are not allowed to drive without sleep,a break Fatigue clouds our ability to make informed intelligent decisions.

You can pray all you want.....but somewhere, sometime you need to help your higher power help you by making decisions that will move things forward. Anger depression and fatigue are roommates. Get outside help call the Agency on Aging take act, check out local nursing homes for possible one day at a time care.

You are not going to be canonized for sainthood by sacrificing you health. Guess what if you don't take action you will be lying next to your care receiver...........Get moving

Cactusjim....hi, I am Nancy and my husband of 63 years is dying...slowly from the effects of stroke. He has been many different people. He has not been the man I married since February. I name the "people" who show up as I have hospice and it helps for them to know what he is going to be. Larry is amusing, Joe is mean and Raymond just stares. Lawrence Welk and the Gaithers on PBS is the only thing he sees on TV. I get very angry at times but I also know that God forgives. I will add you to my prayer list. I am certain that your memories of that 63 years is as good as mine is of ours.

Join the team as we all reach a boiling point as these dementia diseases especially AD is terminal. Enjoy the moment with your loved ones, wash your face, stop and have a cup of tea, refresh your makeup go back to mom and kiss her and cry inside. Every moment is precious.

thank you all for the relief I recieve from reading these answers.my name is jim and im 84 ,my wife of 63 yrs.is 81.She has alz.she is with me about 25% of the time.Then some one else shows up.you all know what hits the fan.My problem is i know there is help,but getting it is next to nill.I do the cooking,laundering,shopping[amazon]etc.I lose it once in a while and she forgets in 5 min.My biggest problem is I use a walker in the house and power chair outdoors.I was a sailor ,firefighter,worked my life outdoors.raised 3 great kids.[they live very far away]and I go bannanas at least 5 times aday.I get along Ok But do have one help.I have lawrence welk on hopper and she becomes my honey again.I also got her some chicks {now very big @layng eggs .]She has made them so tame and they have tamed her . God knows our limits and forgives.

Hope14...I have been there many times and the guilt is still there though we all know that we are doing the best we can. My husband is not eating nor drinking so the end is near. All of a sudden, he awakens and wants water...constantly....I have sciatica and it kills me bending over the bed. I yelled this morning because I just wanted to take my pills and eat breakfast to get the day started and he was calling and calling. I finally yelled...leave me alone...and felt so bad. I feel as though I am depriving a person of water when they are in a desert but I am getting some in him anyway possible...syringes, finger on the end of a straw, whatever. Yes, you yelled at Mom...yes, I yelled at the one I love...but we are not yelling at them, we are yelling at the situation....be it stroke, Alzheimer's, dementia...whatever. You are doing a good job. Take care of YOU!!!! Bless you and many hugs....and thank you Llamalover 47... I am feeling your prayers also.

Dear God: Please help Hope with her heavy, emotional burden of caring for her mother, whom she loves dearly. She cannot continue like this, else she falls ill from stress. Let her brother give her respite that she so desperately needs. Amen

Hope... Your feelings are valid... As much as I complain about my mother, I love her dearly... I find myself in the same position as you. They are our one and only mother. No one can understand or even know what occurs between the two of you... It is bittersweet. But, your mother will be fine and you'll bothe appreciate each other more when you reunite. But, give yourself a beak... I left my mother 3 weeks ago on a last minute trip for Europe of all things... She did just fine... Your mom will also and your brother needs to learn what you go through (take advantage of this situation and get some much needed rest!

hope14, i think it's perfectly normal to be very confused about everything when we are dead tired and in the eye of the hurricane!! i know at times, i really felt like i was looooosing my mind!!! it's all the stress...makes us crazy, we feel guilty, we beat ourselves up...it's so hard and soooo confusing. i know i made huge changes when i hit my WALL!!! i think sometimes it takes us hitting that wall before we can make a change that will help us...or we just might go crazy!!! keep crying, keep feeling, sleep, sleep, sleep..YOU WILL FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU'RE RESTED!!!

Thank you all for your support and compassion. I took my mom and left her with my brother. he is living 100 miles away from me. my brother will take care of her for few days. I feel bad to mom because I never wanted my brother to take care of mom bathing and hygiene. I never wanted to put mom on this. I am crying now for this. I know eventually someone else should help me in taking care of mom. I feel I am missing mom very much. I feel I can not live without her. is this contradiction. when she is with me and I overworked I want to be out of this and I feel I am trapped. now I feel I want mom. then I remember how would be my day if mom with me. then I start having a lot of conflict feelings. I just wanted to vent my feeling.

Unless one is trained in caregiving hw/she has no clue as to what to do. Even when one has experience and becomes a caregiver for a loved one, it is extremely challenging. With that ssid, I am praying for you and your mother, her physician and your brother who stepped up to help. I have one sibling out of 7 who helps take care of my mom. My mom does not have dementia or is incontinent, but I still have to see about her 10 hours a day. Even though it is hard to imagine your mom in a nursing home, do all you can to make sure she is comfortable.

As an experienced CENA and HHA, I can tell you that all nursing homes are not created equal. Prior to admitting your loved one, please get his/her finances in order. One thing you should do is put life insurance policy (which he /she should have) in your name. Second, sign him/her up for Legal Shield. Third, have Legal Shield set up a Will, and Durable POA. After you have completed these things, have your loved one's primary care physician order a health assessment and let him\her know that you're interested in having your loved one placed into long term care.

I have seen some people come into nursing homes and blossom because they see other people they can relate to, i.e. age, needs, illness. Make sure you surround your loved one with family portraits, portraits of favorite times in his/her life.

I loved all of my patients whom I cared for while working in the caregiving field. I would visit with them and hold conversations with them. I would bring them snacks if they could have them. It was not a perfect scenario but I truly believe caregivers like myself prolonged peoples' lives with as much dignity as possible.

I know the feeling all too well. I'm certain that if you had help you would have called them by now. Talk to your mother's doctor (primary care physicisn). Find out how to go about admitting her into an environment such as long term care. You are not equipped to handle the needs of your mother. I know this sounds cruel but, as an experienced CENA, HHA, ans caregiver for my mother, I know how stressful it is. Once your mother has been placed in the facility, make sure she has all of her favorite snacks. Your mother will always feel abandoned whether at home with you or at the facility. This has nothing to do with freeing yourself to live your life, but everything to do with stopping the slippery slope towards mental abuse you are headed for. Take care of yourself.

You are a saint. 8 years? Everyone looses their temper occasionally. After 10 years,I'm still not used to the demands my significant other's situation places upon me. He lies to the Agency on Aging people and I am constantly in tears from the frustration of dealing with outside people who suspect abuse when he falls and hurts himself and tells them I did it. A nervous breakdown would have been in my future if I had not sought out a therapist to learn how to deal with him and the entire situation. Ask you doctor for a referral so you can vent your frustrations and relieve the tension on yourself and at home. Believe me, it really does help.

God will forgive you AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN! Just ask him! He loves you, and this is a trial through which we must persevere. He will reward us -- maybe not on earth, but definitely in heaven! Our time as old will hopefully come too, so I try to treat my husband as I would want to be treated... doesn't always work, but it's a start. Just have to put one foot in front of the other, let go of the negativity, and BREATHE!

You need help and please know that God is a good and understanding God - you are not only forgiven but have probably by now have earned your angel wings.
Please take some of the advice others have given and get some help and some rest.

First of all, quit beating yourself up. You are overworked, emotionally upset and just plain exhausted. Seek help from your doctor right away. You may be able take some kind of anti -anxiety or depression medication, which does wonders. And also talk to your mom's doctor. You also need some relief from your task.
there are support groups available - someone in this chat group may be able to give you more specific answers as to where to find support. You are not a mean or bad person. They say God gives us only what we can handle...but sometimes He really pushes the button..tell Him so. He will guide you to a solution, You cannot continue to do all of this yourself. Prayers , Luann30

God bless you. You simply need time off, yet finding it is tricky.

I don't know why siblings don't help- mine are downright hostile, criticize everything I do, don't believe anything I say - give me no credit at all. And no help. Amazing..

Hope and probe: What you are experiencing is caregiving burnout. We cannot, in any way be effective caregivers if we fall ill from burnout ourselves. Hope, you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT CONTINUE on going on 2-3 hours a sleep per night. Both of you, please seek help starting first with your town's Council on Aging asap.

Thank you for your quick answer. I really needed it I was questioning myself for couple of days. I hesitated then I agreed. I am really exhausted and tired mentally and emotionally and physically, I need to recharge myself to help mom. I do love mom very much. I can not see the world without her. Thank you again