How can I control my temper when I am so fatigue and tired?

Oh Jude
I meant to say I am so sorry to hear your planned day off went pear shaped. Its seems to happen! Right now I am hoping to get away for an hour while friend looks out for husband. He says he wont go to the hospice for respite but we shall see.
That walk in the forest is becoming a necessity!

To Jude and others....rant...rant again and again. My husband didn't even know what decade he was in and ranted at ME. As I yelled at him one day, my daughter walked in and said...Stop it...you are yelling at a stroke. You know what? At that point, I didn't care WHAT I was yelling at. I just needed to yell. I agree....a trip to Walmart's becomes time out. I talk to anyone who smiles at me. They may be walking around there because they are in the same mess I went through. God bless you...take care of YOURSELF....this is very important!

I have been reflecting on the care I give my mother and have realized that the continuous low level of stress leaves me like a pot simmering on the back burner and any additional stress quickly has me boiling over. I've been working on lowering the day to day stressors, but he hard part is to come up with strategies to combat the boil over, since as we all know with caregiving sh&t happens. Most advice I've come up with online says something like "don't get angry". Hmmm, if wishing only made it so! Any good tips out there?

Just be sure to rant to the appropriate people!! I make the mistake of saying a negative (thought completely true!) comment about my husband and I catch he%$ from my kids, who defend all his crazy behaviors and get mad at ME if he does something dumb or crazy, and then blame me for being "unsupportive". I have to be so very, very careful what I say and to whom. This site has been a really positive support for me.

Hubby is a good man, but he has his quirks and a quick temper and every time something goes wrong, somehow it's my fault. He's been through a lot in his life, healthwise, and will probably not live to be 75. (Liver transplant, diabetes which he refuses to deal with) so my kiddoes are all very sensitive about him and his health. He still works and travels full time, he's as healthy as he's ever going to be, but I am stressed out and tired carrying the full time care of him, our home, helping mother, and my girls with their families. I do have a continuous level of stress bubbling away and sometimes I will just take a long, hot shower and cry for a half an hour and then just face the music again.

I have been having a lot of migraines again, just stress related, but annoying to the maximum.

I am joining a group held by my therapist for depression and anxiety as soon as the new sessions start, hoping that I can meet others who have anxiety & depression and get some support there.

I've read that a lot of you are into "cry therapy", but tears are just not my thing, never have been. I'm more of a "I want to punch their lights out" kind of a gal, not something many women are willing to admit to I know. Mostly I can walk away from whatever sets me off, as a caregiver that's not so easy.

I also don't "like" to cry, but it seems to be a natural release for me. I don't cry in front of people. Makes hubby mad, my kids don't care.

I don't punch either, but there has to be a way to release the anger, b/c just "not caring" (as hubby says I should do) is not an option. I forget and mention something to one of the kids that their dad did and WOW they are defensive--even though I may be right, it's just not appropriate. (And yes, he can say "Oh you know how your mother gets.." and they all nod their heads, so it's not a fair swap at all---it just is what it is.) He's perfect and I'm a mess.

I also can't say a word about my MIL. Hubby is not on "good" terms with her, she told me 6 years ago she never wanted to see me again--so I have honored that request. Still, every time hubby goes to see her he tries to drag me along. She won't let me use the bathroom or sit in the living room. She doesn't address a single remark to me. WHY would I want to deal with that? I can step away from her and she doesn't bother me, but my own mother makes me crazy. Not always, but I never know when she's going to spring on me--so I am tense and uncomfortable all the time around her. And I have to go visit her this afternoon with my daughter who is visiting with her kids. Already have a sick stomach.

BTW, hubby's comments about his mom "Well, she's old". OK, that works NOW-- but she has been the same for 42 years that I have known her, what was the excuse when she was 43?

Midkid, you "have" to go visit your MIL, OMG why?? Surely your daughter can go visit without you. And if you are going as some kind of buffer for your daughter, then why the heck does she want to visit in the first place? I recommend a sudden case of diarrhea ;(

I confess I am in to crying and then I "hit the roof", punch a cushion, kick the kitchen units,dishwasher etc. All these release the stress and the objects can take it. I even kick a can around the yard. Anything that helps.
Sounds like I am aggressive I know but its better than hitting the person I am supposed to be caring for! When he gets too infuriating because of the illness.

One thing I know for sure...you can't bottle it up! When too much pressure builds up..you're going to blow up! Talk therapy...go for a brisk walk..yell where you know no one can hear you...and sometimes I just pray...Father..Abba help me...help me..help me....and sometimes God sends nice people like you ladies..to encourage...and also..it's healing to help others while fighting your own battle...someone else often has it worse than I do...and remember nothing lasts forever...

What is crying going to do except to give you a migraine?

I can relate to bhjos34. I am not a natural caregiver either; find myself yelling at my 81 yr. old husband when he is constantly asking the same question over & over & over!! He has cancer with no options left for improvement and has now developed dementia. I have him enrolled in hospice, not because he is near death, but so that when he gets worse I will already have something in place for that time. They are very helpful; the nurse visits once a week and is very beneficial for me. They have also arranged for a one-day-a-week volunteer to come & give me a 3 hr. break. I am so excited for this - starts tomorrow! I have to keep reminding myself not to get worked up, but I still do and then feel very guilty after. I do not want to treat him badly; he has been my love for 56 years!

I can relate to bhjos34. I am not a natural caregiver either; find myself yelling at my 81 yr. old husband when he is constantly asking the same question over & over & over!! He has cancer with no options left for improvement and has now developed dementia. I have him enrolled in hospice, not because he is near death, but so that when he gets worse I will already have something in place for that time. They are very helpful; the nurse visits once a week and is very beneficial for me. They have also arranged for a one-day-a-week volunteer to come & give me a 3 hr. break. I am so excited for this - starts tomorrow! I have to keep reminding myself not to get worked up, but I still do and then feel very guilty after. I do not want to treat him badly; he has been my love for 56 years!

What may be even more remarkable is that we don't lose our tempers even more. Many of the things we go through each day would drive most people over the edge. For example, today's activities have included the morning health report, repeating everything I say in triplicate, Mom screaming my name to get the phone because the warranty on my vehicle is expiring (telemarketer). The Game Show Network is blaring in the living room. The volume is so loud. And it is only about 10:00 in the morning. When we go through these things, it is amazing that we can stay a little calm.

Ignore, ignore, ignore followed by breath, breath, breath..

Isn't that the truth Jess!